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Just as the corporal was humming, to begin in waddled Dr. Slop. 'Tis not two-pence matter the corporal shall go on in the next chapter, let who will come in. Well, my good doctor, cried my father sportively, for the transitions of his passions were unaccountably sudden, and what has this whelp of mine to say to the matter?
The poor labouring man's fare, which is usually eaten under the hedge of the field of his employment, is often accompanied with a dried onion; and was this root more known than it generally is, it would yield him, at the expense of two-pence, with a little labour in his cottage garden, an equally pleasant and more useful sauce to his coarse but happy meals.
"Yes," I replied; "but first we must be honest, and not cheat Mr Cophagus; the vial is sold, you know, for one penny, and I suppose the stuff I have taken is not worth a penny more. Now, if we put aside two-pence for Mr Cophagus, we don't cheat him, or steal his property; the other seven-pence is of course our own being the profits of the profession."
All sums of money were measured by him through the common standard of immediate use; and, with more solemn pomp of diction than he applied to the bank-note, might he inform you, that, with the gentleman opposite, to whom he had hitherto been entirely a stranger, but who happened to be the nearest to him at the time when the exigency occurred to him, he had just succeeded in negotiating a loan of two-pence."
"Well, I walked away, cursing all the Eton boys and all their tutors, who did not teach them honesty as well as Latin and Greek, and put up at a very humble sort of abode, where they sold small beer, and gave beds at two-pence per night, and I may add, with plenty of fleas in the bargain.
Dallison held out two-pence for the paper, but it was at the woman that she looked. "Oh, Mrs. Hughs," she said, "we've been expecting you to hem the curtains!" The woman slightly pressed the baby. "I am very sorry, ma'am. I knew I was expected, but I've had such trouble." Cecilia winced. "Oh, really?" "Yes, m'm; it's my husband." "Oh, dear!" Cecilia murmured. "But why didn't you come to us?"
These coffee-houses have "done great mischiefs to the nation, and undone many of the King's subjects: for they, being great enemies to diligence and industry, have been the ruin of many serious and hopeful young gentlemen and tradesmen, who, before frequenting these places, were diligent students or shopkeepers, extraordinary husbands of their time as well as money; but since these houses have been set up, under pretence of good husbandry, to avoid spending above one penny or two-pence at a time, have gone to these coffee-houses; where, meeting friends, they have sat talking three or four hours; after which, a fresh acquaintance appearing, and so one after another all day long, hath begotten fresh discourse, so that frequently they have staid five or six hours together," to the neglect of shops and studies, etc., etc.
"But how shall we account for receiving the two-pence?" said Timothy. "Selling two vials instead of one: they are never reckoned, you know." "That will do capitally," cried Timothy; "and now for halves." But this could not be managed until Timothy had run out and changed the sixpence; we then each had our three-pence halfpenny, and for once in our lives could say that we had money in our pockets.
"Well," said Timothy, when he first saw me practising, "I have often heard it said, there's no getting blood out of a turnip; but it seems there is more chance with a cabbage. I tell you what, Japhet, you may try your hand upon me as much as you please, for two-pence a go." I consented to this arrangement, and by dint of practising on Timothy over and over again, I became quite perfect.
These people are maintained at the expence of the king, who allows them soldier's pay, that is five sols, or two-pence halfpenny a day; or rather three sols and ammunition bread. How the soldiers contrive to subsist upon this wretched allowance, I cannot comprehend: but, it must be owned, that those invalids who do duty at Boulogne betray no marks of want.
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