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Thur wur two or dree gentlemen in, an' thay larfed at the fizzle an' I. It seemed to meak me veel merryish, an' I zed, "What's to pay, young 'ooman?" She sed, "Thirteen shillin's, sur." "Thirteen scaramouches!" I sed. "What vor?"
Sez I, "my frens, it's troo I'm hear, & now bring on your Sperrets." 1 of the long hared fellers riz up and sed he would state a few remarks. He sed man was a critter of intelleck & was movin on to a Gole. Sum men had bigger intellecks than other men had and thay wood git to the Gole the soonerest. Sum men was beests & wood never git into the Gole at all.
"That's what's the matter with me," I replide. "But blarst my hize, sir, its onprecedented. It's orful, sir. Nothin' like it hain't happened sins the Gun Powder Plot of Guy Forks. Owdashus man, who air you?" "Sir," sez I, drawin myself up & puttin on a defiant air, "I'm a Amerycan sitterzen. My name is Ward. I'm a husband & the father of twins, which I'm happy to state thay look like me.
And yet, as Birdalone's Nannie once announced, "If you thuck 'em they thay boo-ful!" And I guess it must be a good deal the same with marriage. You can't even afford to lay down on your job of loving. The more we ask, the more we must give.
On my way I was overtuk by a lurge krowd of Mormons, which they surroundid me & statid that they were goin into the Show free. "Wall," sez I, "ef I find a individooal who is goin round lettin folks into his show free, I'll let you know." "We've had a Revelashun biddin us go into A. Wards's Show without payin nothin!" thay showtid.
"Thay, Waddington, old man, what'th the game, eh? What have you got up your sleeve that you don't want to thell the stuff? Blow me if I can tumble to it!" "There is no game at all," Mr. Waddington replied firmly. "I can assure you, Mr. Absolom, and all of you, ladies and gentlemen, that I have simply told you what I believe to be the absolute truth.
But I telled him to his face what I thocht of him! 'The best Gourlay that ever dirtied leather, says I, ''s no gaun to make dirt of me, says I." "Ay, man, Dyohn!" lisped Deacon Allardyce, with bright and eagerly inquiring eyes. "And what did he thay to that na? That wath a dig for him! I'the warrant he wath angry." "Angry? He foamed at the mouth!
"'No, says I; 'but you'll be changin' your name, says I, 'an' it won't matter no more. "'An' if I can't say Joneth, says she, 'I can't thay "'Can't say what? says I. "'Can't thay Thooth! says she. "Lord! No more she could. An' t' say Moses Shoos! An' t' say M'issus Moses Shoos! Lord! It give me a pain in the tongue, t' think of it. "'Jutht my luck, says she; 'but I'll do my betht.
"Oh, I dare thay you could have got round him!" he snapped. "In my opinion, Allardyce," said the baker, "you mismanaged the whole affair. Yon wasna the way to approach him!" "It'th a pity you didna try your hand, then, I'm sure! No doubt a clever man like you would have worked wonderth!" So the bodies wrangled among themselves. Somehow or other Gourlay had the knack of setting them by the ears.
'I do not know any one elthe, exthept that Mr Howel Jenkinth, who, they thay, will be quite a grand man. 'I do not even know him. What do you think of his cousin, Mr Rowland Prothero? 'I never thought about him; mamma thayth he ith very handthome, but I am thure he is very gauche and countrified. 'Oh, I am sure he is not.
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