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It's that yoothful party in the black surtoot who comes pesterin' me a moment ago about the West bein', as he says, a roode an' irreligious outfit." "He's a young preacher," I explained. "Possibly he was moved by an anxiety touching your soul's welfare." "Well, if he's out to save souls," retorted the old gentleman, "he oughter whirl a bigger loop.
An' yet no gent ever sees old Jeffords wearin' anything more savage than a long-tail black surtoot an' one of them stove pipe hats. Is Jeffords dangerous? No, you-all couldn't call him a distinct peril; still, folks who goes devotin' themse'fs to stirrin' Jeffords up jest to see if he's alive gets disasterous action.
An' yet no gent ever sees old Jeffords wearin' anything more savage than a long-tail black surtoot an' one of them stove-pipe hats. Is Jeffords dangerous? No, you-all couldn't call him a distinct peril; still, folks who goes devotin' themse'fs to stirrin' Jeffords up jest to see if he's alive gets disastrous action.
"That's what Toothpick allows; an' the Red Dog party's hand ain't traveled two inches onder his surtoot, when Toothpick cuts free his '44, an' the Red Dog party hits the ground, face down, like a kyard jest dealt. "Yes, he's dead enough; never does kick or flutter once. It's shorely a shot in the cross. "`Do you-all note how he tries to fill his hand on me? asks Toothpick, mighty cheerful.
He don't do nobody no good & is a cuss to society & a pirit on honest peple's corn beef barrils. Admittin all you say abowt the doctrin to be troo, I must say the reglar perfessional Sperrit rappers them as makes a biznis on it air abowt the most ornery set of cusses I ever enkountered in my life. So sayin I put on my surtoot and went home. Respectably Yures, Artemus Ward.
It's a onfortunate gesture; the invalid as quick as a rattlesnake, prodooces a derringer, same as Doc Peets allers packs, from his surtoot an' the bullet carries away most of Ugly Collins' lower jaw. "'You-all is goin' to be a heap sight more of a audience than a orator yereafter, Collins, says Doc Peets, as he ties up the villain's visage that a-way.
"'Them foolhardy sports," I replies, "who has yeretofore attempted that enterprise sleeps in onknown graves; so don't you-all pester me, for the outlook's dark." "'It's now that Yuba, who's a mighty cautious sport, forethoughtful an' prone to look ahead, regyards the talk as down to cases an' makes a flash for his gun. It's concealed by his surtoot an' I ain't noticed it none before.
At this, Easy Aaron gets up an' coughs 'round for a moment or two, recoverin' his nerve; then he buttons his surtoot, assoomes airs of sagacity, tucks the Texas Statootes onder his arm, reepairs to the Burnt Boot an' allows he's ready to defend Shoestring from said charges. ""But not onless my fees is paid in advance," says this Easy Aaron.
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