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Th' other lads that dies because they cudden't r-run away, not because they wudden't, they dies on their backs, an' calls f'r th' docthor or th' priest. It depinds where they're shot. "But, annyhow, no wan iv thim lads come back to holler because he was in th' war or to war again th' men that shot him. They wint to wurruk, carryin' th' hod 'r shovellin' cindhers at th' rollin' mills.
A man be th' name iv Sweeney, there are some good Sweeneys, though it's a name I don't like on account iv wan iv thim stealin' me fa-ather's grin'stone, a man be th' name iv Sweeney, a polisman, r-run him in f'r disordherly conduct. They got him out with a pull. Thin he sint f'r lawyers an' f'r his financee's father, an' they settled down to talk business.
'They can't r- run, he says, 'except whin they're Ph'lipinos behind thim, he says. 'Well r-run, he says, an' he welted th' man fr'm Matsachoosetts with his cane. 'Be careful what ye're doin' there, says th' Anglo-Saxon. 'If it wasn't f'r th' 'liance I'd punch ye'er head off, he says.
So he goes ar-round exhibitin' th' recent site, an' warnin' people that, whin they ar-re shootin' bears, they must see that their gun is kept loaded an' their face is nailed on securely. If ye iver see a bear that looks like a man, shoot him on th' spot, or, betther still, r-run up an alley. Ye must niver lose that face, Hinnissy. "I showed th' pome to Father Kelly," continued Mr. Dooley.
An' they'se a meetin' iv th' cabinet an' 'tis decided that as th' war will on'y las' wan week 'twill be well f'r to begin renamin' th' cities iv th' Thransvaal afther pop'lar English statesmen Joechamberlainville an' Rhodesdorp an' Beitfontein. F'r they have put their hands to th' plough an' th' sponge is squeezed dhry, an' th' sands iv th' glass have r-run out an' th' account is wiped clean."
Well, Andy come in about six o'clock that night, lookin' as though he'd been thryin' to r-run a fut race acrost a pile iv scrap ir'n; an' says he, 'Loot, he says, 'I've got him, he says. "I didn't take th' measuremints, he says, 'because, whin I pulled out th' tape line, he rowled me eighty hectograms down th' sthreet, he says. 'But 'tis Mike McGool, he says.
'Where ar-re ye goin', Petey? says I. 'I was jus' takin' a short cut home, he says. In three minyits th' r-road was full iv polismin. They'd been a robbery down in Halsted Sthreet. A man that had a grocery sthore was stuck up, an' whin he fought was clubbed near to death; an' they'd r-run Scanlan through th' alleys to his father's house. That was as far as they'd go.
Whin Kentucky begins f'r to shoot up her fav'rite sons they'll be more blood spilled thin thim two play wars'd spill between now an' th' time whin Ladysmith's relieved f'r th' las' time an' Agynaldoo is r-run up a three in th' outermost corner iv Hoar County, state iv Luzon. They'se rale shootin' in Kentucky, an' whin it begins ivrybody takes a hand. 'Tis th' on'y safe way.
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