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'An' whin ye go back where ye come fr'm an' set down with th' rest iv th' sages to wondher whether a man cud possibly go fr'm Richmond to Boston in a week, tell thim, I says, 'that in their day they r-run a corner grocery an' to-day, says I, 'we're op'ratin' a sixteen-story department store an' puttin' in ivrything fr'm an electhric lightin' plant to a set iv false teeth, I says.
Dillon looked at his fat friend with a faint, dreary smile. He did not himself relish the task before him. "Thought you told me to be a wolf, to hop to it every chance I got to do some crazy thing." Blister hedged. "Oh, well, a f-fellow wants to have some sense. I never see a good thing that couldn't be r-run into the ground.
She made money an' kept him sthraight an' started him for constable. He won out, bein' a sthrong man. Thin she got him to r-run f'r aldher-man, an' ye shud've seen her th' night he was inaugurated! Be hivins, Hinnissy, she looked like a fire in a pawnshop, fair covered with dimons an' goold watches an' chains.
But if I have anny griefs I must bear thim alone. If a bachelor complains iv his throubles people say: 'Oh, he's a gay dog. Sarves him right. An' if he goes on complainin' he's liable to be in gr-reat peril. I wudden't dare to tell me woes to ye'er wife. If I did she'd have a good cry, because she injyes cryin', an' thin she'd put on her bonnet an' r-run over an' sick th' widow O'Brien on me.
He delayed wan prize fight two hours, encouragin' th' voters prisint to stand be their principles, while th' principles sat shiverin' in their cor-rners until th' polis r-run him out. It got so that men'd bound into alleys whin he come up th' sthreet. People in th' liquor business rayfused to let him come into their places. His fam'ly et in th' coal-shed f'r fear iv his speeches at supper.
Ivrybody knows it. I r-read what Joe What's-His-Name wrote th' br-rave corryspondint. He says this feller was sick at his stummick an' retired befure th' Spanish fire. Why, what'd he have to fight but a lot iv ol' row-boats? A good swimmer with sharp teeth cud've bit his way through th' whole Spanish fleet. An' he r-run away.
'Gintlemen, says he, 'what can I do f'r ye? he says. 'We come, says th' chairman iv th' comity, 'f'r to offer ye, he says, 'th' r-run iv th' town, he says. 'We have held out, he says, 'as long as we cud, he says. 'But, he says, 'they'se a limit to human endurance, he says. 'We can withstand ye no longer, he says. 'We surrinder.
'In our former war, he says, 'we had th' misfortune to have men in command that didn't know th' diff'rence between a goluf stick an' a beecycle; an' what was th' raysult? We foozled our approach at Bull R-run, he says. 'Ar-re ye a mimber iv anny clubs? he says. 'Four, says Willie. 'Thin I make ye a major, he says. 'Where d'ye get ye'er pants? he says. 'Fr'm England, says Willie.
Thin th' Cap had it put on a typewriter, an' r-run through a wringer. Thin he laid it transversely acrost a piece of wall paper; an', whereiver th' key wurrud sponge-cake appeared, he was thereby able f'r to make a sympathic lesion, acquirin' all th' characteristics iv th' race, an' a dam sight more."
I'd been on th' cinthral comity to-day, but f'r me losin' ambition whin they r-run a man be th' name iv Eckstein f'r aldherman. I was sayin', Hinnissy, whin a man gets to be my age, he ducks pol-itical meetin's, an' r-reads th' papers an' weighs th' ividence an' th' argymints, pro-argymints an' con-argymints, an' makes up his mind ca'mly, an' votes th' Dimmycratic ticket.
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