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"Worse luck!" said Jim, sententiously. "Church ain't no use nohow as far as I can see." "There was a figure there, Jim," went on Liz, earnestly, "of a Woman holding up a Baby, and people knelt down before it. What do you s'pose it was?" "Can't say!" replied the puzzled Jim. "Are ye sure 't was a church? Most like 't was a mooseum." "No, no!" said Liz.
It is kept open for the benefit of all. The humble costymonger, who traverses the busy streets with a cart containin all kinds of vegetables, such as carrots, turnips, etc, and drawn by a spirited jackass he can go to the Mooseum and reap benefits therefrom as well as the lord of high degree. "And this," I said, "is the British Mooseum!
But it didn't. One nite, cummin' hum from the Mooseum, where I had been instructin' and elevatin' several thousand pussons, male and female, I innocently swallered a fog swallered it hull. I'd bin swallerin on 'em ever since I'd bin in England, but that night I took in a bigger one than ever, and it made me sick.
"Cruncher is upstairs now, and the public is piling in head over heels to see her. Her portographs is selling like hot cakes and the more you kicks the more she'll be worth to me. Fact is, I wish you would raise a disturbance. There's nothin' like judicious advertisin' in this mooseum business. It would be worth a little something to have a nice, hard strike. Now, then, do you see?"
It's a sing'lar fack, but I never sot eyes on your excellent British Mooseum till the other day. I've sent a great many peple there, as also to your genial Tower of London, however.
I naterally thought my opportunities there, in the British Mooseum and with those Egyptian Carcusses dun up in rags, and remaining for the space of six days and six nights with a skeleton grinning at me and pointing its long skinless fingers in my face and looking in an awful licentious manner, showing its pivoted legs I say I naterally thought such an unheard-of experience would have prepared me for "the awful change" that follered.
It happened thusly: When one of my excellent countrymen jest arrived in London would come and see me, and display a inclination to cling to me too lengthy, thus showing a respect for me which I feel I do not deserve, I would sugjest a visit to the Mooseum and Tower. The Mooseum would ockepy him a day at leest, and the Tower another.
So on the mornin on which I went to the Mooseum I lit a pipe, and callin a cab, I told the driver to take me there as quick as his Arabian charger could go. The driver was under the inflooence of beer and narrerly escaped runnin over a aged female in the match trade, whereupon I remonstratid with him. I said, "That poor old woman may be the only mother of a young man like you."
Now, I like the British Mooseum, as I said afore, but when I see a lot of erthen jugs and pots stuck up on shelves, and all "of a uncertin date," I'm at a loss to 'zackly determin whether they are a thousand years old or was bought recent. I can cry like a child over a jug one thousand years of age, especially if it is a Roman jug; but a jug of a uncertin date doesn't overwhelm me with emotions.
Then throwing considerable pathos into my voice, I said: "That poor old woman may be the only mother of a young man like you. Then throwing considerable pathos into my voice I said, "You have a mother?" He said, "You lie!" I got down and called another cab, but said nothin to this driver about his parents. The British Mooseum is a magnificent free show for the people.
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