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She was refused what people call the honours of sepulture that is to say, of rotting with all the beggars of the neighbourhood in an ugly cemetery; she was interred all alone by her company at the corner of the Rue de Bourgogne, which ought to trouble her much, for she thought nobly." "That was very uncivil," said Candide. "What would you have?" said Martin; "these people are made thus.
"You will be more surprised, more affected, and transported," said Candide, "when I tell you that Cunegonde, your sister, whom you believe to have been ripped open, is in perfect health." "Where?" "In your neighbourhood, with the Governor of Buenos Ayres; and I was going to fight against you." Every word which they uttered in this long conversation but added wonder to wonder.
"Had the marquis attended to his garden, like Candide, or your humble servant, and eschewed the company of kings he might have been as care-free as he was wretched. His monarchs were knocked down like nine-pins. Louis XVIII was a man of straw; Charles X, a feather-top, and Louis Philippe, a toy ruler. The marquis' domestic life was as unblest as his political career.
"It is said that Venice is fit only for its own nobility, but that strangers meet with a very good reception if they have a good deal of money. I have none of it; you have, therefore I will follow you all over the world." "But do you believe," said Candide, "that the earth was originally a sea, as we find it asserted in that large book belonging to the captain?"
Returning a little while after, he let him know that upon second consideration, he could not undertake the voyage for less than twenty thousand piastres. "Well, you shall have them," said Candide. "Ay!" said the skipper to himself, "this man agrees to pay twenty thousand piastres with as much ease as ten."
"Alas!" replied Candide, "I remember to have heard Master Pangloss say, that formerly such accidents used to happen; that these mixtures were productive of Centaurs, Fauns, and Satyrs; and that many of the ancients had seen such monsters, but I looked upon the whole as fabulous."
"What is all this?" said Candide; "and what demon is it that exercises his empire in this country?" He then asked who was that fine man who had been killed with so much ceremony. They answered, he was an Admiral. "And why kill this Admiral?" "It is because he did not kill a sufficient number of men himself.
The manner in which he asked the question alarmed Candide; he durst not say she was his wife, because indeed she was not; neither durst he say she was his sister, because it was not so; and although this obliging lie had been formerly much in favour among the ancients, and although it could be useful to the moderns, his soul was too pure to betray the truth.
"Be sure," said Candide, "to represent to them how frightfully inhuman it is to cook men, and how very un-Christian." "Gentlemen," said Cacambo, "you reckon you are to-day going to feast upon a Jesuit. It is all very well, nothing is more unjust than thus to treat your enemies. Indeed, the law of nature teaches us to kill our neighbour, and such is the practice all over the world.
Candide, who trembled like a philosopher, hid himself as well as he could during this heroic butchery. At length, while the two kings were causing Te Deum to be sung each in his own camp, Candide resolved to go and reason elsewhere on effects and causes.
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