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But I did not find any positive inspiration in my studies until I approached my nineteenth year. In philosophy I had hitherto mastered only a few books by Soeren Kierkegaard. But now I began a conscientious study of Heiberg's philosophical writings and honestly endeavoured to make myself familiar with his speculative logic.
To set my mind in vibration, there was needed a brain that I felt superior to my own; and I did not find it in them. I found it in the philosophical and religious writings of Soeren Kierkegaard, in such works, for instance, as Sickness unto Death. The struggle within me began, faintly, as I approached my nineteenth year.
The innocent remark that Soeren Kierkegaard was the Tycho Brahe of our philosophy, as great as Tycho Brahe, but, like him, failing to place the centre of our solar system in its Sun, gave Bjoernson an opportunity for the statement, a very dangerous one for a young author of foreign origin to make, that the man who could write like that "had no views in common with other Danes, no Danish mind."
I procured all that was accessible to me in modern French and English literature on the woman subject. In the year 1869 my thoughts on the subordinate position of women in society began to assume shape, and I attempted a connected record of them. I adopted as my starting point Soeren Kierkegaard's altogether antiquated conception of woman and contested it at every point.
But the internal policy of Denmark had little attraction for me. As soon as I entered the University I felt myself influenced by the spirit of such men as Poul Moeller, J.L. Heiberg, Soeren Kierkegaard, and distinctly removed from the belief in the power of the people which was being preached everywhere at that time.
The house of the sisters Spang was a pleasant one to go to; they were two unmarried ladies who kept an excellent girls' school, at which Julius Lange taught drawing. Benny Spang, not a beautiful, but a brilliant girl, with exceptional brains, daughter of the well-known Pastor Spang, a friend of Soeren Kierkegaard, adopted a tone of good- fellowship towards me that completely won my affection.
I did not like Goldschmidt. He had dared to profane the great Soeren Kierkegaard, had pilloried him for the benefit of a second-rate public. I disliked him on Kierkegaard's account. But I disliked him much more actively on my master, Professor Broechner's account.
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