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I used to walk about in our garden, in the Neskutchny gardens, and beyond the town gates; I would take some book with me Keidanov's Course, for instance but I rarely looked into it, and more often than anything declaimed verses aloud; I knew a great deal of poetry by heart; my blood was in a ferment and my heart ached so sweetly and absurdly; I was all hope and anticipation, was a little frightened of something, and full of wonder at everything, and was on the tiptoe of expectation; my imagination played continually, fluttering rapidly about the same fancies, like martins about a bell-tower at dawn; I dreamed, was sad, even wept; but through the tears and through the sadness, inspired by a musical verse, or the beauty of evening, shot up like grass in spring the delicious sense of youth and effervescent life.
No, no, it can't be, I whispered, turning over from one hot cheek on to the other.... But I remembered the expression of Zinaida's face during her story.... I remembered the exclamation that had broken from Lushin in the Neskutchny gardens, the sudden change in her behaviour to me, and I was lost in conjectures.
I gazed at the dumb sandy plain, at the dark mass of the Neskutchny gardens, at the yellowish facades of the distant buildings, which seemed to quiver too at each faint flash.... I gazed, and could not turn away; these silent lightning flashes, these gleams seemed in response to the secret silent fires which were aglow within me. Morning began to dawn; the sky was flushed in patches of crimson.
'Here, she said, my dear Volodya, it was the first time she had used this pet-name to me 'is a companion for you. His name is Volodya, too. Please, like him; he is still shy, but he has a good heart. Show him Neskutchny gardens, go walks with him, take him under your protection.
'You know, he told me among other things, 'Madame Dolsky's here. 'What Madame Dolsky? 'Can you have forgotten her? the young Princess Zasyekin whom we were all in love with, and you too. Do you remember at the country-house near Neskutchny gardens? 'She married a Dolsky? 'Yes. 'And is she here, in the theatre? 'No: but she's in Petersburg. She came here a few days ago. She's going abroad.
They had taken a country house for the summer near the Kalouga gate, facing the Neskutchny gardens. I was preparing for the university, but did not work much and was in no hurry. No one interfered with my freedom. My father treated me with careless kindness; my mother scarcely noticed me, though she had no children except me; other cares completely absorbed her.
'I must make her acquaintance, though, I thought, pacing distractedly about the sandy plain that stretches before Neskutchny park ... 'but how, that is the question. I recalled the minutest details of our meeting yesterday; I had for some reason or other a particularly vivid recollection of how she had laughed at me.... But while I racked my brains, and made various plans, fate had already provided for me.
The trees of the Neskutchny garden looked blue across the river; the reddish-brown sparrows, invisible in winter, attracted attention by their sprightliness; people also seemed desirous of being merry, but all of them had too many cares.
He went a walk with me one day in the Neskutchny gardens, was very good-natured and nice, told me the names and properties of various plants and flowers, and suddenly, a propos of nothing at all, cried, hitting himself on his forehead, 'And I, poor fool, thought her a flirt! it's clear self-sacrifice is sweet for some people! 'What do you mean by that? I inquired.
The trees of the Neskutchny garden looked blue across the river; the reddish-brown sparrows, invisible in winter, attracted attention by their sprightliness; people also seemed desirous of being merry, but all of them had too many cares.
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