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'An', says th' ca'm Englishman, 'if it wasn't f'r our common hurtage, he says, 'I'd make ye jump over th' gran' stand, he says. 'Th' English always cud beat us r-runnin', says the sage iv Matsachoosetts. 'Th' Americans start first an' finishes last, says th' Englishman. An' I had to pull thim apart."
"Well, like a good game, it come three an' three. Three times had victhry perched upon our banner an' thrice I see it in th' pa-aper had th' flag iv th' mother counthry proclaimed that Englishmen can r-run. It was thryin' on me narves an' I wanted to yell whin th' tie was r-run off but th' man fr'm Matsachoosetts says: 'Contain ye'ersilf, he says.
He was fr'm Matsachoosetts, an' says he: 'Don't make a disturbance, he says. 'We've got to create a fav'rable impression here, he says, 'Th' English, he says, 'niver shows enthusyasm, he says. 'Tis regarded as unpolite, he says. 'If ye yell, he says, 'they'll think we want to win, he says, 'an' we didn't come over here to win, he says.
Dooley, "is weighin' th' human soul. A fellow up in Matsachoosetts has done it. He weighs ye befure ye die an' he weighs ye afther ye die, an' th' diff'rence is what ye'er soul weighs. He's discovered that th' av'rage weight iv a soul in New England is six ounces or a little less. Fr'm this he argies that th' conscience isn't part iv th' soul.
'They can't r- run, he says, 'except whin they're Ph'lipinos behind thim, he says. 'Well r-run, he says, an' he welted th' man fr'm Matsachoosetts with his cane. 'Be careful what ye're doin' there, says th' Anglo-Saxon. 'If it wasn't f'r th' 'liance I'd punch ye'er head off, he says.
'He was a gr-reat rassler an' whin he had a full Nelson on th' foolish man that wint again him, he used to say, 'Dear me, am I breakin' ye'er neck, I hope so." "But th' Matsachoosetts man didn't see it that way. An' some time, I tell ye, Hinnissy, an' Englishman'll put th' shot wan fut further than wan iv our men th' Lord save us fr'm th' disgrace! an' th' next day we'll invade Canada."
Whin me forefathers were followin' George Wash'nton an' sufferin' all th' hardships that men endure campin' out in vacation time, what were th' women doin'? They were back in Matsachoosetts milkin' th' cow, mendin' socks, followin' th' plow, plantin' corn, keepin' store, shoein' horses, an' pursooin' th' other frivvlous follies iv th' fair but fickle sect.
Immejately afther th' prayer th' Hon'rable Clarence Gumdhrop iv Matsachoosetts offered th' suffrage bill f'r passage. 'Th' motion is out iv ordher, began th' Speaker. At this minyit a lady standin' behind th' chair dhrove a darning needle through his coat tails. 'But, continued th' Speaker, reachin' behind him with an agnized ex'pression, 'I will let it go annyhow. 'Mr.
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