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Updated: June 8, 2025
Eighty thousand trusses of hay intended for the cavalry had disappeared and not a trace of them was to be found. Greatauk exclaimed at once: "It must be Pyrot who has stolen them!" He remained in thought for some time and said: "The more I think of it the more I am convinced that Pyrot has stolen those eighty thousand trusses of hay.
But the Anti-Pyrotists did not regard themselves as beaten. The military judges re-tried Pyrot. Greatauk, in this second affair, surpassed himself. He obtained a second conviction; he obtained it by declaring that the proofs communicated to the Supreme Court were worth nothing, and that great care had been taken to keep back the good ones, since they ought to remain secret.
The prince re-read the letters with a bitter satisfaction, put them carefully back into his safe, and dashed to the Minister of War. He was a man of resolute character. On being told that the Minister could see no one he knocked down the ushers, swept aside the orderlies, trampled under foot the civil and military clerks, burst through the doors, and entered the room of the astonished Greatauk.
At this revelation the audience shuddered with horror. Greatauk came to give evidence in his turn. Simpler, and perhaps greater, he wore a grey tunic and held his hands joined behind his back. "I leave," said he calmly and in a slightly raised voice, "I leave to M. Colomban the responsibility for an act that has brought our country to the brink of ruin.
On this occasion he deplored the moral degeneration of the army, and thought with a bitter smile that his old comrade Greatauk, the head of this degenerate army, basely exposed him to the malice of an unpatriotic government. And he promised himself that he would make an improvement before long. "That scoundrel Greatauk," said he to himself, "will, not remain long a Minister."
The Minister of War, who at the time was Greatauk, Duke of Skull, could not endure him. He blamed him for his zeal, his hooked nose, his vanity, his fondness for study, his thick lips, and his exemplary conduct. Every time the author of any misdeed was looked for, Greatauk used to say: "It must be Pyrot!" One morning General Panther, the Chief of the Staff, informed Greatauk of a serious matter.
And he went away muttering: "That Pyrot! I suspected he would come to a bad end." A moment later General Panther appeared before Greatauk. "Sir," said he, "I have just examined the business of the eighty thousand trusses of hay. There is no evidence against Pyrot." "Let it be found," answered Greatauk. "Justice requires it. Have Pyrot arrested at once."
The Elders were still applauding when Greatauk, his hand on the pommel of his sword, made this brief declaration: "Being noble, I shall not contribute; for to contribute is ignoble. It is for the rabble to pay." After this warning the Elders separated in silence. As in Rome, a new census was taken every five years; and by this means it was observed that the population increased rapidly.
I am handing over Pyrot to justice as guilty of having stolen eighty thousand trusses of hay." Prince Boscenos, whose anger vanished like a dream, smiled. "Is that true?" "You will see." "My congratulations, Greatauk. But as one always needs to take precautions with you I shall immediately publish the good news. People will read this evening about Pyrot's arrest in every newspaper in Alca . . . ."
Pyrot's guilt was indefeasible through its very nullity. And it was with a legitimate pride that Greatauk, expressing himself as a true artist, said one day to General Panther: "This case is a master-piece: it is made out of nothing."
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