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"Garnet, Jeremy, o.s. of late Henry Garnet, vicar of Much Middlefold, Salop; author. Publications: 'The Outsider, 'The Manoeuvres of Arthur. Hobbies: Cricket, football, swimming, golf. Clubs: Arts." But if you search among the U's for UKRIDGE, Stanley Featherstonehaugh, details of whose tempestuous career would make really interesting reading, you find no mention of him.
Surtees, the antiquary, wrote the well-known ballad, which, when Surtees gave it him, deceived even Sir Walter Scott into thinking it genuinely ancient. The first verse of the ballad shows with what a verve and swing the lines go. "Hoot awa', lads, hoot awa' Ha' ye heard how the Ridleys, an' Thirlwalls, an' a' Ha' set upon Albany Featherstonehaugh; And taken his life at the Deadmanshaw?
I murmured in a death-bedside voice. He came towards me, Bob trotting at his heels: and, as he came, I saw with astonishment that his mien was calm, even cheerful. I should have known my Ukridge better than to be astonished. You cannot keep a good man down, and already Stanley Featherstonehaugh Ukridge was himself again. His eyes sparkled buoyantly behind their pince-nez.
The letter was a long one, but it was the postscript which interested me most. "... By the way, at Yeovil I ran into an old friend of ours, Stanley Featherstonehaugh Ukridge, of all people. As large as life quite six foot two, and tremendously filled out. I thought he was abroad.
There followed a violent crashing on the stairs, shaking the house. "Garnet! Where are you, laddie? Garnet!! GARNET!!!!!" Stanley Featherstonehaugh Ukridge was in my midst. I have often thought that Who's Who, though a bulky and well-meaning volume, omits too many of England's greatest men. It is not comprehensive enough. I am in it, nestling among the G's:
After all, a hen can rough it for one night, and if I did a stroke more work I should collapse. "My idea was to do the thing on the slow but sure principle. That is to say, take each bird singly and carry it to bed. It would have taken some time, but there would have been no confusion. But you can imagine that that sort of thing would not appeal to Stanley Featherstonehaugh!
The little streams which enter the South Tyne up to this point flow through wild and romantic glens, two of them owning the Celtic names of Glen Cune and Glen Dhu. The family of Featherstonehaugh is one of the oldest in the North; and it was concerning the death of one of this family Sir Albany Featherstonehaugh, who was High Sheriff of Northumberland in the days of Henry VIII. that Mr.
They assembled on the lawn in the moonlight, and Ukridge, with his cap well over his eyes and his mackintosh hanging round him like a Roman toga, surveyed them sternly, and began his speech. "You you you you scoundrels! You blighters! You worms! You weeds!" I always like to think of Stanley Featherstonehaugh Ukridge as I saw him at that moment.
We tried to get something like a representative collection of the parliamentary leaders of Socialism, the various exponents of Socialist thought and a number of Young Liberal thinkers into one room. Dorvil came, and Horatio Bulch; Featherstonehaugh appeared for ten minutes and talked charmingly to Margaret and then vanished again; there was Wilkins the novelist and Toomer and Dr. Tumpany.
She surveyed her reflection in the tall pier-glass in her bedroom with strange interest or not strange, perhaps and thought with a little feeling of triumph that the grand lady and her daughters would not feel disgusted at their dimness of vision if they once more mistook her for their friend "Miss Featherstonehaugh."
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