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With this celestial promise Sri Yukteswar vanished from my sight. A cloud-voice repeated in musical thunder: "Tell all! Whosoever knows by NIRBIKALPA realization that your earth is a dream of God can come to the finer dream-created planet of Hiranyaloka, and there find me resurrected in a body exactly like my earthly one. Yogananda, tell all!" Gone was the sorrow of parting.
"My son, you may now comprehend more fully that I am resurrected by divine decree," Sri Yukteswar continued, "as a savior of astrally reincarnating souls coming back from the causal sphere, in particular, rather than of those astral beings who are coming up from the earth.
Sri Yukteswar never avoided or blamed women as objects of seduction. Men, he said, were also a temptation to women. I once inquired of my guru why a great ancient saint had called women "the door to hell." "A girl must have proved very troublesome to his peace of mind in his early life," my guru answered causticly.
Ignoring Master's plain hint that he, and not a hill, was my teacher, I repeated my plea. Sri Yukteswar vouchsafed no reply. I took his silence for consent, a precarious interpretation readily accepted at one's convenience. In my Calcutta home that evening, I busied myself with travel preparations.
Religious festivals in India are never considered troublesome; each one does his part, supplying money, rice, vegetables, or his personal services. Master was soon in our midst, supervising the details of the feast. Busy every moment, he kept pace with the most energetic young student. Sri Yukteswar listened appreciatively; his musical sense was acutely perfect. "They are off key!"
Groping blindly toward my guru, I collapsed before him, attacked by all symptoms of the dread Asiatic cholera. Sri Yukteswar and Kanai carried me to the sitting room. Racked with agony, I cried, "Master, I surrender my life to you;" for I believed it was indeed fast ebbing from the shores of my body. Sri Yukteswar put my head on his lap, stroking my forehead with angelic tenderness.
It is not the physical scientist but the fully self-realized master who comprehends the true nature of matter. Sri Yukteswar was a peerless interpreter of the scriptures. Many of my happiest memories are centered in his discourses. But his jeweled thoughts were not cast into ashes of heedlessness or stupidity.
I felt a throb of pleasure at Auddy's appreciation, for I was acting as host on this trip. Sri Yukteswar caught my thought; he turned to me and whispered: "Don't flatter yourself; Auddy is not nearly as entranced with the scenery as he is with the prospect of leaving us long enough to have a cigaret." I was shocked.
'In a few hours you will see his body, before it is carried to the crematory grounds. I broke down and moaned openly. "'Yukteswar, control yourself. Sit calmly and meditate. My guru retired into SAMADHI. The afternoon and night passed in unbroken silence; I struggled unsuccessfully to regain an inner composure. "At dawn Lahiri Mahasaya glanced at me consolingly. 'I see you are still disturbed.
"I will appear if you wish it," I said amidst sobs. "But no time remains for proper preparation." Under my breath I muttered, "I will fill up the sheets with your teachings in answer to the questions!" When I entered the hermitage the following day at my usual hour, I presented my bouquet with a certain mournful solemnity. Sri Yukteswar laughed at my woebegone air.
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