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"Certainly," said Mr. Waddington. And when Pyecraft came the next day with the proofs he said, "I think, sir, we've got the proportions very well." Mr. Waddington stared at the proofs, holding them in a hand that trembled slightly with emotion. With a just annoyance. For though Pyecraft had certainly got the proportions of the library, Mr.
Pyecraft almost danced with excitement. "Keep that look on your face, sir, half a moment.... Now, Bateman." A click. "That's over, thank goodness," said Mr. Waddington, reluctant victim of Pyecraft's and Barbara's importunity. After that Mr. Pyecraft and his man were driven about the country taking photographs. In one of them Mr.
"Look here," said I to Pyecraft next day, and snatched the slip away from his eager grasp. "So far as I can make it out, this is a recipe for Loss of Weight. And if you take my advice you'll leave it alone. Because, you know I blacken my blood in your interest, Pyecraft my ancestors on that side were, so far as I can gather, a jolly queer lot. See?" "Let me try it," said Pyecraft.
Poor old Pyecraft! He has just gonged; no doubt to order another buttered teacake! He came to the actual thing one day. "Our Pharmacopoeia," he said, "our Western Pharmacopoeia, is anything but the last word of medical science. In the East, I've been told " He stopped and stared at me. It was like being at an aquarium. I was quite suddenly angry with him.
Formalyn!" bawled a page-boy under my nose, and I took the telegram and opened it at once. "For Heaven's sake come. Pyecraft." "H'm," said I, and to tell the truth I was so pleased at the rehabilitation of my great-grandmother's reputation this evidently promised that I made a most excellent lunch. I got Pyecraft's address from the hall porter.
Pyecraft received the thing almost in tears. "To be right ways up again " he said. I gave him the whole secret before I saw where it would take me. "Buy sheet lead," I said, "stamp it into discs. Sew 'em all over your underclothes until you have enough. Have lead-soled boots, carry a bag of solid lead, and the thing is done!
"I know a man who " "Yes. H'm. Well, I'll write the alternatives down. So far as I know the language, the spelling of this recipe is particularly atrocious. By-the-bye, dog here probably means pariah dog." For a month after that I saw Pyecraft constantly at the club and as fat and anxious as ever. He kept our treaty, but at times he broke the spirit of it by shaking his head despondently.
Whether one regards the ingredients or the probable compound or the possible results, almost all my great-grandmother's remedies appear to me at least to be extraordinarily uninviting. For my own part "I took a little sip first." "Yes?" "And as I felt lighter and better after an hour, I decided to take the draught." "My dear Pyecraft!" "I held my nose," he explained.
"Quite so, sir. But if you wish the size of the library to be shown, I am afraid the figure must be sacrificed. We can't do you it both ways. But how would you think, sir, of being photographed yourself, somewhat larger, seated at your writing-table? We could do you that." "I hadn't thought of it, Pyecraft." As a matter of fact, he had thought of nothing else.
Since you WILL be abject, since you WILL behave as though I was not a man of honour, here, right under your embedded eyes, I write the thing down the plain truth about Pyecraft. The man I helped, the man I shielded, and who has requited me by making my club unendurable, absolutely unendurable, with his liquid appeal, with the perpetual "don't tell" of his looks.
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