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Nekhludoff went into his room, undressed, and lay down, not without fear of the bugs, whose presence the dirty, torn wall-papers made him suspect. "Yes, to feel one's self not the master but a servant," he thought, and rejoiced at the thought. His fears were not vain. Hardly had he put out his candle when the vermin attacked and stung him. "To give up the land and go to Siberia. Fleas, bugs, dirt!
Such a moment arrived for Nekhludoff that Easter morn. Now, whenever he thought of Katiousha, her appearance at that moment obscured every other recollection of her.
"My motives are that this woman that this woman's first step on her way to degradation " Nekhludoff got angry with himself, and was unable to find the right expression. "My motives are that I am the guilty one, and she gets the punishment." "If she is being punished she cannot be innocent, either." "She is quite innocent." And Nekhludoff related the whole incident with unnecessary warmth.
"This is my companion," said Nekhludoff to his sister, pointing to Taras, whose story he had told her before. "Surely not third class?" said Nathalie, when Nekhludoff stopped in front of a third-class carriage, and Taras and the porter with the things went in. "Yes; it is more convenient for me to be with Taras," he said.
Immediately upon his arrival in Moskow, Nekhludoff made his way to the prison hospital, intending to make known to Maslova the Senate's decision and to tell her to prepare for the journey to Siberia. Of the petition which he brought for Maslova's signature, he had little hope. And, strange to say, he no longer wished to succeed.
Maslova's expulsion from the hospital on the ground of flirting was particularly painful to her by reason of the fact that, after her meeting with Nekhludoff, all association with men, which had been so repugnant to her, became even more disgusting.
They say that the prison has burned down, but that isn't our fault. For God's sake, help us!" Nekhludoff listened, but scarcely understood what the old man was saying. "How is that? Can it be possible that they are kept in prison for that sole reason?" said Nekhludoff, turning to the assistant. "Yes, they ought to be sent to their homes," said the assistant.
Nekhludoff asked. "I I I see you are throwing away your money on such nonsense on hunting," began the girl, in great confusion.
"It is impossible," Nekhludoff continued to repeat, although there was no doubt in his mind now that it was she, that same servant ward with whom he had been in love at one time yes, in love, real love, and whom in a moment of mental fever he led astray, then abandoned, and to whom he never gave a second thought, because the recollection of it was too painful, revealed too manifestly that he, who prided himself of his good breeding, not only did not treat her decently, but basely deceived her.
"I don't know whether I am a liberal or something else," smilingly said Nekhludoff, who always wondered at being joined to some party, or called a liberal only because he held that a man must not be judged without being heard; that all are equal before the law; that it is wrong to torture and beat people generally, especially those that are not convicted.
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