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"'Well, that's all over and done with . . . sighed Kisotchka. 'At one time I was your idol, and now it is my turn to look up to all of you. . . .
First of all it was necessary to get into a familiar tone and to change Kisotchka's lyrically earnest mood into a more frivolous one. "'Let us change the conversation, Natalya Stepanovna, I began. 'Let us talk of something amusing. First of all, allow me, for the sake of old times, to call you Kisotchka. "She allowed me.
But Kisotchka did not laugh in response; on the contrary, she looked grave and sighed. "'All you have been told is true, she said. 'My cousin Sonya ran away from her husband with an actor. Of course, it is wrong. . . . Everyone ought to bear the lot that fate has laid on him, but I do not condemn them or blame them. . . . Circumstances are sometimes too strong for anyone!
If Kisotchka had laughed in response I should have gone on in this style: 'You had better look out, Kisotchka, or some officer or actor will be carrying you off! She would have dropped her eyes and said: 'As though anyone would care to carry me off; there are plenty younger and better looking . . . . And I should have said: 'Nonsense, Kisotchka I for one should be delighted! And so on in that style, and it would all have gone swimmingly.
What I wanted with this ungenerous illumination, I can't conceive to this day. Cold-hearted people are apt to be awkward, and even stupid. "In the end Kisotchka took my arm and we set off. Going out of the gate, we turned to the right and sauntered slowly along the soft dusty road. It was dark.
You and your talk took me back to the past and put all sort of ideas into my head. . . . I was sad and wanted to cry, and my husband said rude things to me before that officer, and I could not bear it. . . . And what's the good of my going to the town to my mother's? Will that make me any happier? I must go back. . . . But never mind . . . let us go on, said Kisotchka, and she laughed.
As we gazed at her every one of us had a desire to caress her and stroke her like a cat, hence her nickname of Kisotchka. "In the course of the seven or eight years since we had met, Kisotchka had greatly changed. She had grown more robust and stouter, and had quite lost the resemblance to a soft, fluffy kitten.
"'Yes, of course, said Kisotchka with a sigh, 'but you know every girl fancies that any husband is better than nothing. . . . Altogether life is horrid here, Nikolay Anastasyevitch, very horrid! Life is stifling for a girl and stifling when one is married. . . . Here they laugh at Sonya for having run away from her husband, but if they could see into her soul they would not laugh. . . ."
I spent the whole day with a doctor friend and left the town that evening. As you see, my philosophy did not prevent me from taking to my heels in a mean and treacherous flight. . . . "All the while that I was at my friend's, and afterwards driving to the station, I was tormented by anxiety. I fancied that I was afraid of meeting with Kisotchka and a scene.
"'I had a baby boy, but he only lived a week. "We began drinking tea. Admiring me, Kisotchka said again how good it was that I was an engineer, and how glad she was of my success. And the more she talked and the more genuinely she smiled, the stronger was my conviction that I should go away without having gained my object.
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