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Those remote forebodings of evils, formless, shadowy, ineffable, which have harried the lover's heart since time began, crowded all pleasant anticipations out of his mind. Clark, in passing hurriedly from company to company around the line, stopped for a little while when he found Beverley. "Have you plenty of ammunition?" was his first inquiry.
And concentrating the whole world in myself in this way, I thought no more of cabs, of the town, and of Kisotchka, and abandoned myself to the sensation I was so fond of: that is, the sensation of fearful isolation when you feel that in the whole universe, dark and formless, you alone exist.
"We must preserve appearances," said these dead pagans, "and can have only happy-looking persons hereabouts, for otherwise our paradise will get a poor name, and the religion of our fathers will fall into disrepute." Then they thrust Misery, and Niafer also, out of the pagan paradise, because Misery clung to Niafer in the appearance of a light formless cloud, and there was no separating the two.
They descended the slope in silence, walking a little apart, as if accentuating the fact that their reunion in this June night of enchantment and faint stars was an incomplete thing after all. The moon was near her zenith; and, outside the formless dark of the forest, the great glade held her radiance as a goblet holds wine.
During these days, trying to ignore that formless trouble, he gave himself with a most rigid determination to his new routine the routine which he counted on to help him into the way of great things. Every day he saw Maggie; sometimes he was in her company for an hour or more.
The instinctive protest germinating irresistibly in his mind was too vague and formless for utterance. "I beg your pardon," he stammered. "But I fancied you were merely camping around among the hills for the summer." The girl rose and moved off toward the van looming ghostlike through the trees. "Good night Philip!" she called lightly, her voice instinct with delicate irony. Philip stirred.
And they marched out of the room singing the refrain of one of the student glees that Von Barwig had taught them. Von Barwig sat there quite still for a long time. His thoughts were formless. In a chaotic way he realised that he had played the game of life and had lost; he seemed to feel instinctively that the end had come.
On just such a night as that, at that time when it becomes evident that the little light we have had all day is about to leave us, a lonely watcher was standing by the angry swelling river in the most desolate part of the pass, at a place where a vast confusion of formless rocks crosses the stream, torturing it into a hundred boiling pools and hissing cascades.
She was haunted by the image of her husband as she had seen him that morning his ashen countenance, the perpetual movement of his eyes, those nervous attenuated hands, almost transparent in their bloodlessness, for ever pushing aside the formless horrors that crowded round him pictures painted on the empty air, pictures for ever changing, yet hideously real to that disorganised brain pictures that spoke and gibbered at him, shadows with which he carried on conversations.
I grumble at my life, I seem to be always weakly and fruitlessly fighting my life, and I love it. I would not be willingly dead for anything. I'd rather be an old match-woman selling matches on a freezing night in the streets than be dead. Nothing nonsensical ever held me so tightly or kept me so interested. I suppose really I am full of that very same formless faith on which you rely.
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