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He could not admit it to be more. The belief that his father was an Englishman only grew firmer under the weak assaults of unwarranted doubt. And that a moment should ever come in which that belief was declared a delusion, was something of which Deronda would not say, "I should be glad."
But the issue of that visit, as it regarded her husband, took a strongly active part in the process which made an habitual conflict within her, and was the cause of some external change perhaps not observed by any one except Deronda.
"Order my life so as to make any possible amends, and keep away from doing any sort of injury again," said Deronda, catching her sense that the time for speech was brief. "But I can't I can't; I must go on," said Gwendolen, in a passionate loud whisper. "I have thrust out others I have made my gain out of their loss tried to make it tried. And I must go on. I can't alter it."
"He wants to do everything he can to encourage Mirah in her prejudices." "Oh, for shame, Hans! to speak in that way of Mr. Deronda," said Mab. And Mrs. Meyrick's face showed something like an under-current of expression not allowed to get to the surface.
Sir Hugo had begun to talk of the Grandcourts as the less difficult subject between himself and Deronda; but they were both wishing to overcome a reluctance to perfect frankness on the events which touched their relation to each other.
Deronda accepted the offer, thinking that Lapidoth showed a sign of grace in the willingness to be employed usefully; and he saw a gratified expression in Ezra's face, who, however, presently said, "Let all the writing be done here; for I cannot trust the papers out of my sight, lest there be an accident by burning or otherwise."
"Yes, a dear brother who is ill-consumptive, and Mr. Deronda is the best of friends to him, as he has been to me," said Mirah, with the impulse that will not let us pass the mention of a precious person indifferently. "Tell me," said Gwendolen, putting her hand on Mirah's, and speaking hardly above a whisper "tell me tell me the truth. You are sure he is quite good. You know no evil of him.
The irritation was proportionate when no opportunity came; and this evening at Klesmer's she included Deronda in her anger, because he looked as calm as possible at a distance from her, while she was in danger of betraying her impatience to every one who spoke to her. She found her only safety in a chill haughtiness which made Mr. Vandernoodt remark that Mrs.
Mirah resisted no longer, but seated herself with perfect grace, crossing her little feet, laying her hands one over the other on her lap, and looking at her friends with placid reverence; whereupon Hafiz, who had been watching the scene restlessly came forward with tail erect and rubbed himself against her ankles. Deronda felt it time to go.
"Do you object to my hunting?" said Gwendolen, with a saucy movement of the chin. "I have no right to object to anything you choose to do." "You thought you had a right to object to my gambling," persisted Gwendolen. "I was sorry for it. I am not aware that I told you of my objection," said Deronda, with his usual directness of gaze a large-eyed gravity, innocent of any intention.
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