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Confucius: you will not believe me; and I do not blame you for it; but England once saved the liberties of the world by inventing parliamentary government, which was her peculiar and supreme glory. CONFUCIUS. I know the history of your country perfectly well. It proves the exact contrary. BURGE-LUBIN. How do you make that out?

BARNABAS. They would have made the British Islands bankrupt if theyd won. But you dont care for that; you care for nothing but being popular. BURGE-LUBIN. Oh, well: I shouldn't worry if I were you; for most people complain that there is not enough work for them, and would be only too glad to stick on instead of retiring at forty-three, if only they were asked as a favor instead of having to.

I began my serious life when I was a hundred and twenty. Asiatics cannot control me: I am not a child in their hands, as you are, Mr President. Neither, I am sure, is the Archbishop. They respect me. You are not grown up enough even for that, though you were kind enough to say that I frighten you. BURGE-LUBIN. Honestly, you do.

Even now I am not sure from one moment to another, though I have given you my reason for thinking that I have quite unintentionally committed myself to a lifetime of three hundred years. BURGE-LUBIN. But how do you do it? Is it lemons? Is it Soya beans? Is it THE ARCHBISHOP. I do not do it. It happens. It may happen to anyone. It may happen to you. THE ARCHBISHOP. You may.

BARNABAS. Have you anything more important than this thing, if it's true? BURGE-LUBIN. Oh, if if, if it's true! But it isn't true. BARNABAS. Have you anything at all to do? BURGE-LUBIN. Anything to do! Have you forgotten, Barnabas, that I happen to be President, and that the weight of the entire public business of this country is on my shoulders? BARNABAS. Has he anything to do, Confucius?

Besides, how can you blame them when you would do as they do if you were in their place? BURGE-LUBIN. Devilish poor consolation, that. MRS LUTESTRING. There were other consolations in those days for people like me. We drank preparations of alcohol to relieve the strain of living and give us an artificial happiness.

CONFUCIUS. I do not agree. The Englishman is not fitted by nature to understand politics. Ever since the public services have been manned by Chinese, the country has been well and honestly governed. What more is needed? BURGE-LUBIN. What I cant make out is that China is one of the worst governed countries on earth. CONFUCIUS. No.

You thought yourself pretty safe. You BURGE-LUBIN. Steady, Barnabas. Dont be in a hurry. Confucius enters. The President and the Archbishop resume their seats. BURGE-LUBIN. We wish to put a case to you, Confucius.

Well, people who could do nothing couldnt have done that, you know. CONFUCIUS. I did not say you could do nothing. You could fight. You could eat. You could drink. Until the twentieth century you could produce children. You could play games. You could work when you were forced to. But you could not govern yourselves. BURGE-LUBIN. Then how did we get our reputation as the pioneers of liberty?

CONFUCIUS. The Archbishop has always been a puzzle to me. Ever since I learnt to distinguish between one English face and another I have noticed what the woman pointed out: that the English face is not an adult face, just as the English mind is not an adult mind. BURGE-LUBIN. Stow it, John Chinaman.