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"Yes, sir, if I was a doctor I'd be ayether laughin' or cryin' all th' time. I'd be laughin' over th' cases that I was called into whin I wasn't needed an' cryin' over th' cases where I cud do no good. An' that wud be most iv me cases. "Dock O'Leary comes in here often an' talks medicine to me. 'Ye'ers is a very thrying pro-fissyon, says I. 'It is, says he. 'I'm tired out, says he.
"Maybe if I'd been as aisy pleased as most an' this is not sayin' annything again you an' ye'ers, Hinnisy, f'r ye got much th' best iv it I might be th' father iv happy childher an' have money in th' bank awaitin' th' day whin th' intherest on th' morgedge fell due.
Hennessy demanded. "Write?" echoed Mr. Dooley. "Write? Why shud he write? D'ye think Cousin George ain't got nawthin' to do but to set down with a fountain pen, an' write: 'Dear Mack, At 8 o'clock I begun a peaceful blockade iv this town. Ye can see th' pieces ivrywhere. I hope ye're injyin' th' same gr-reat blessin'. So no more at prisint. Fr'm ye'ers thruly, George Dooley. He ain't that kind.
'If he don't I'll appeal to th' Mickydoo an' he'll divastate this boasted raypublic iv ye'ers, he says, 'fr'm sea to sea, he says. "Well, what's to be done about it? I can't change me face an' there's no legal way iv removin' it.
'Th' protection iv th' home hobo again th' pauper can trade iv Europe, he says, 'has been wan iv th' principal wurruks iv me life, he says; an' he gives thim each a hand out, an' bows thim to th' dure. "In comes a dillygation fr'm th' Union iv Amalgamated Pantsmakers; an' says th' chairman, 'Major, he says, 'we have a complaint to make again thim pants iv ye'ers, he says.
Some iv th' boys expicts to come up to Peking nex' week, an' th' people along th' line iv th' railroad are gettin' ready f'r thim. This is really all the news I have, excipt that cherries ar-re ripe. Me pin is poor, me ink is dhry, me love f'r you can niver die. Give me regards to Sicrety Hay whin he wakes up. I remain, illusthrus cousin iv th' risin' dawn, thruly ye'ers, Li.
'Well, says I, 'whin I was growin' up, half th' congregation heard mass with their prayer books tur-rned upside down, an' they were as pious as anny. Th' Apostles' Creed niver was as con-vincin' to me afther I larned to r-read it as it was whin I cudden't read it, but believed it." "That frind iv ye'ers, Dugan, is an intilligent man," said Mr. Dooley.
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