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How in th' wurruld can we compete with a counthry where ivry lab'rer's cottage projooces lies so delicate that th' workmen iv th' West can't undherstand thim? We make our lies be machinery; they tur-rn out theirs be hand. They imitate th' best iv our canned lies to deceive people that likes that kind, but f'r artists they have lies that appeals to a more refined taste.
There was ould Mazarine, breakin' the poor child's heart, as fine a fella as iver trod the wurruld achin' for her, and his life bein' spoilt by the goin's on at Tralee. Then in steps the Chinky and with stren'th of mind and stren'th of fingers puts things right." "No, no, Patsy, you've got bad logic and worse morals in your head. As you say, things were put right, but trouble enough came of it."
Th' enthusyasm iv this counthry, Hinnissy, always makes me think iv a bonfire on an ice-floe. It burns bright so long as ye feed it, an' it looks good, but it don't take hold, somehow, on th' ice." "Well, sir," said Mr. Hennessy, "to think iv th' audacity iv thim Chinymen! It do bate all." "It do that," said Mr. Dooley. "It bates th' wurruld. An' what's it comin' to?
If I see a fellow with a chube on his eye and hear him hollerin', 'Hooray, I've discovered a new planet, I'll be th' last man in th' wurruld to brush th' fly off th' end iv th' telescope. I've known people that see ghosts. I didn't see thim, but they did. They cud see ghosts an' I cudden't. There wasn't annything else to it. I knew a fellow that was a Spiritualist wanst.
"With that Donahue rose up. 'Come on, says he. 'This is no place f'r us, he says. Slavin, with th' politeness iv a man who's gettin' even, turns at th' dure. I'm sorry I can't remain, he says. 'I think th' wurruld an' all iv Choochooski, he says. 'Me brother used to play his chunes, he says, 'me brother Mike, that run th' grip ca-ar, he says.
Father Kelly was talkin' it over with me, an' says he: 'They ain't anny news in bein' good. Ye might write th' doin's iv all th' convents iv th' wurruld on th' back iv a postage stamp, an' have room to spare.
If I had to be wan iv thim horny-handed sons iv toil, th' men that have made our counthry what it is an' creates th' wealth iv th' wurruld if I had to be wan iv thim pillars iv th' constitution, which thank Gawd I haven't, 'tis sthrikin' I'd be all th' time durin' th' heated term.
Look, Jawn dear, an' see if there's an ice-pick undher me chair. "It 'd be more thin th' patience iv Job 'd stand to go through such weather, an' be fit f'r society. They's on'y wan man in all th' wurruld cud do it, an' that man's little Tim Clancy. He wurruks out in th' mills, tin hours a day, runnin' a wheelbarrow loaded with cindhers. He lives down beyant.
Dooley, "he'll fight his way ar-round th' wurruld, an' come out through Barsaloona or Cades." "Who's that?" asked Mr. Hennessy. "Me Cousin George, no less," said Mr. Dooley. "I suppose ye think th' war is over an' peace has rayturned jus' because Tiddy Rosenfelt is back home again an' th' sojers ar-re hungry in New York 'stead iv in Sandago. That's where ye'er wrong, Hinnissy.
He had fifteen childher; an', whin th' las' come, he says, 'Dooley, d'ye happen to know anny saints? 'None iv thim thrades here, says I. 'Why? says I. 'They'se a new kid at th' house, he says; 'an', be me troth, I've run out iv all th' saints I knew, an', if somewan don't come to me assistance, I'll have to turn th' child out on th' wurruld without th' rag iv a name to his back, he says.
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