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"Well, I thought undertakin' was your trade till Miss Martha put her foot down on the notion and shut me right up. You AIN'T an undertaker, be you?" "An undertaker?... Dear me, Primmie, you ah well, you surprise me. Just why did you think me an undertaker, may I ask?"
But," sez I, "you will never go into that undertakin' with my consent, Josiah Allen." "Why," sez he, "it would be a beautiful recreation; so uneek." But at that minute Miss Flamm gin the order to turn round and start for the Moon, or that is how I understood her, and I whispered to Josiah and sez, "She means to go in the buggy, for the land's sake!"
Prisoners of war are no longer sold into slavery or killed; woman has ceased to be first a plaything and then a slave; in exalting woman, man has been exalted, and the perfect modern home had no parallel in the ancient world. The influence that the Cross gave out is still spreading and softening the hearts of men." "May be," said Jordan, "but, Jim, it's a mighty big undertakin' to civilize men.
And down on the water, a sailin' along closely and silently wuz another swan, a shadow swan, a follerin' it right along. It wuz a fair seen. And Josiah sez to me, "He should ride that boat before he left Saratoga; he said that wuz a undertakin' that a man might be proud to accomplish." Sez I, "Josiah Allen, don't you do anything of the kind." "I MUST, Samantha," sez he.
And I whispered to him and sez, "Don't demean yourself by tryin' to force your company onto them any more." "Wall," he whispered back, "I do love to move in high circles." Sez I, "Then I shouldn't think you would be so afraid of the undertakin' ahead on us. If neighborin' with the old man in the moon, and eatin' supper with him, haint movin' in high circles, then I don't know what is."
I told him I thought it wuz a hazardous undertakin', and I hardly dast, but he informed me in words more'n two inches long that he could do nothing more for him, and if I didn't foller his advice it would be at my own peril. I felt turrible. What wuz I to do to do right? How wuz I to handle this enormous prescription, St. Louis Exposition, and give it in proper doses to the beloved patient?
It's just like Staten Island undertakin' to dictate to a New York City convention. I remember once a Syracuse man came to Richard Croker at the Democratic Club, handed him a letter of introduction and said: "I'm lookin' for a job in the Street Cleanin' Department; I'm backed by a hundred upstate Democrats." Croker looked hard at the man a minute and then said: "Upstate Democrats!
When a feller's undertakin' to give advice to one of the seven wise men, he has to be diplomatic, as you might say." The lawyer put back his head and laughed uproariously. "Ha! ha!" he crowed. "That's good! Then, from your questioning of the children, you've learned ?" "Not such an awful lot. I think I've learned that hum! that a good guardian might be a handy thing to have in the house.
"For, and in consideration of one dollar to you in hand paid, and the further consideration of you undertakin' to keep an eye on him till death do you part, I agree to keep him out of jail and without nobody knowin' he was ever anythin' but honest and a dum fool." She held out her hand and Scattergood took it. "What's got Ovid into this here mess?" "Bucket shop," she said.
It wuz a tremendus hard undertakin' we had took onto ourselves, with all our spring's work on hand, and not one of us Sisters kep a hired girl at the time, and we had to do our own house cleanin', paintin' floors, makin' soap, spring sewin', etc., besides our common housework. But the very worst on't wuz the meetin' house wuz in such a shape that we couldn't do a thing till that wuz fixed.
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