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He says th' more he practises medicine th' more he becomes a janitor with a knowledge iv cookin'. He says if people wud on'y call him in befure they got sick, he'd abolish ivry disease in th' ward except old age an' pollyticks. He says he's lookin' forward to th' day whin th' tillyphone will ring an' he'll hear a voice sayin': 'Hurry up over to Hinnissy's.
They fall in love, get marrid an' divoorced, bring up fam'lies, an' are supported or devoured be thim, as th' case may be, accumylate money, dodge taxes, dhrink to excess, an' in ivry way act like human bein's. I wudden't be surprised to know that a bear had a tillyphone in his room, an' that th' gopher complained iv his gas bills.
Whin this deadly missile flies through th' air, th' threes ar-re withered an' th' little bur-rds falls dead fr'm th' sky, fishes is kilt in th' rivers, an' th' tillyphone wires won't wurruk. Th' keen eyed British gunners an' corryspondints watches it in its hellish course an' tur-rn their faces as it falls into th' Boer trench.
"Perhaps your perceptions are so keen that you can explain how Jewel managed to telegraph to Chicago to-day," she said. "It reminded me of Dooley's comments on Christian Science. Do you remember what he said about 'rejucin' a swellin' over a long distance tillyphone'?" "I can't imagine how she managed it," admitted Eloise. Neither could Mr. Evringham.
"Just as I said," declared Mrs. Reeves. "Vicky often goes away for days at a time." "Shure she does that. Miss Van Allen is here to-day an' gone to-morrow, but Miss Julie she looks after me wurruk, so she does." "She engages you when you are needed?" I asked. "Yes, sir. They's a tillyphone in me husband's shop, an' if anny wan calls me, he lets me know."
Manny's th' time I've bent me proud neck to a decision iv a coort that lasted no longer thin it took th' lawyer f'r th' definse to call up another judge on th' tillyphone. A judge listens to a case f'r days an' hears, while he's figurin' a possible goluf score on his blotting pad, th' argymints iv two or three lawyers that no wan wud dare to offer a judgeship to.
'D'ye know that I can cross th' ocean in six days, an' won't; that if annything doesn't happen in Chiny I can larn about it in twinty-four hours if I care to know; that if ye was in Wash'nton I cud call ye up be tillyphone an ye'er wire'd be busy? I says. 'I do not, says Thomas Jefferson. 'Thin, says I, 'don't presume to advise me, I says, 'that knows these things an' manny more, I says.
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