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As fer doctors waal, they'll hev hard sledd'n, too; but them fellers has to do piles o' dis'gree'bl' work, they do; I'd jist rather fish fer a liv'n', then be a doctor! Still, sir-r, give me an eddicated man every time, says I. Waal, sir-r, 'n' ye hear me, one o' th' richest fellers right here in Madison, wuz born 'n' riz on a shanty-boat, 'n' no mistake.
There he sits, the wee man wi'oot so much as a seegair to keep him company thank ye, sir-r, A'll not smoke it the noo, but 'twill be welcomed by one of the sufferin' mechanics there sits Tam, gettin' into the mind, or substitute, of the Hoon." "But do you seriously believe that you have scared him?" Tam's eyes twinkled. "Mr. Craig, sir-r, what do ye fear wairst in the world?"
"He's a verra likeable feller but a wee bit too canny an' a big bit too fast. Captain Blackie, sir-r, can ye no get me a machine that can flee? Ma wee machine is no' unlike a hairse, but A'm wishfu' o' providin' the coorpse." "You've got the fastest machine in France, Tam," said the captain. Tam nodded. "It's verra likely she wis no' runnin' so sweet," he confessed. "But, mon! That Muller!
"Captain Blackie, sir-r, A've got ma ain idea what B. I. stands for. It's no complimentary to the inventor. If sax is better, than A'm goin' to believe in an auld sayin'." "What is that, Tam?" "'Theer's safety in numbers," said Tam, "an' the while A'm on the subject of leeterature A'd like yeer opinion on a vairse A' made aboot Mr. MacMuller."
"There are some facts which General Headquarters have asked me to verify your age is twenty-seven?" "Yes, sir-r." "You hold the military medal, the French Médaille Militaire, the Russian medal of St. George and the French Croix de Guerre?" "Oh, aye, Captain Blackie, sir-r, but A've no' worn 'em yet." "You were created King's Corporal for an act of valor on January 17, 1915?"
"You're a neutral, too say when I suppose you're not exactly a pauper and yet you risk breaking your neck for ten francs per. Help yourself to a cigar, Tam I said a cigar." "Try one o' mine, sir-r," said Tam coolly, and produced a box of Perfectos from under his bed; "ye may take one apiece and it's fair to tell ye A've coonted them."
"Ah, weel," he said, "A' shall be wanting to go into Amiens, to-night, Captain Blackie, sir-r, and A've a graund poem at the back of me heid that A'd like to be writing. You'll no' be wanting me?" "Not till four," said Captain Blackie; "I want you to stand by then in case Fritz tries something funny. The circus paid a visit to 89 yesterday evening and it may be our turn to-night."
"Sir-r," he said, "the habits of the Hoon, or Gairman, ha'e been ma life study. Often in the nicht when ye gentlemen at the mess are smokin' bad seegairs an' playin' the gamblin' game o' bridge-whist, Tam o' the Scoots is workin' oot problems in Gairman psych I forget the bonnie waird.
"Rot, Tam!" said that youthful officer. "Why, your nose is blue!" "Aweel," admitted Tam. "But that's no' cold, that's will ye look at ma altitude record?" The young man climbed into the fuselage, looked and gasped. "Dear lad!" he said, "have you been to heaven?" "Verra near, sir-r," said Tam gravely; "another ten gallons o' essence an' A'd 'a' made it.
Lasky was a bonnie lad A'll ask ye to excuse me, Captain Thompson, sir-r. A'm no feelin' verra weel the day ye've no a seegair aboot ye that ye wilna be wantin'?" Tam was not infallible, and the working out of his great "thochts" did not always justify the confidence which he reposed in them.