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These may be said to have been the articles of a faith and school which the present chapter takes the liberty of calling, after its representative man, Podsnappery. They were confined within close bounds, as Mr Podsnap's own head was confined by his shirt-collar; and they were enunciated with a sounding pomp that smacked of the creaking of Mr Podsnap's own boots. There was a Miss Podsnap.
So he said: 'I must decline to pursue this painful discussion. It is not pleasant to my feelings; it is repugnant to my feelings. I have said that I do not admit these things. It is not for ME' Mr Podsnap pointed 'me' forcibly, as adding by implication though it may be all very well for YOU 'it is not for me to impugn the workings of Providence.
He was a man of impressions; he has never been equalled in the art of conveying what a man looks like at first sight and he simply felt the two things as atmospheric facts. He felt that the mercantile power was oppressive, past all bearing by Christian men; and he felt that this power was no longer wholly in the hands even of heavy English merchants like Podsnap.
'Mr Podsnap, retorts Twemlow, 'permit me. He might be, or he might not be. I cannot say. But, I could not allow even him to dictate to me on a point of great delicacy, on which I feel very strongly. Somehow, a canopy of wet blanket seems to descend upon the company, and Lady Tippins was never known to turn so very greedy or so very cross. Mortimer Lightwood alone brightens.
'Only, if they were to be called praises at all which I really don't think they were, explained Miss Podsnap in a flutter, 'for being so devoted to Sophronia. 'Sophronia! murmured Alfred. 'My life! and kissed her hand. In return for which she kissed his watch-chain. 'But it was not I who was to be taken away and trampled upon, I hope? said Alfred, drawing a seat between them.
He offers wine to the offensive Podsnap or the shrieking Tippins with a melancholy sincerity and silence; but he offers his letter to the aristocratic and unconscious Mortimer with the same sincerity and with the same silence. It is a great pity that the Analytical Chemist only occurs in two or three scenes of this excellent story.
'Then you don't ask my advice, says Podsnap. 'Good. Then I won't give it you. But you do ask my help. Good. Then I'll work for you. Veneering instantly blesses him, and apprises him that Twemlow is already working.
I am ashamed to say that I cannot at this moment recall where we met, but I am so glad of this opportunity, I am sure! Then pouncing upon Twemlow, who holds back with all his feeble might, he is haling him off to present him, as Veneering, to Mrs Podsnap, when the arrival of more guests unravels the mistake.
Reflects Podsnap; prosperously feeding, two little light-coloured wiry wings, one on either side of his else bald head, looking as like his hairbrushes as his hair, dissolving view of red beads on his forehead, large allowance of crumpled shirt-collar up behind.
'Of course you like dancing? 'Oh no, I don't, said Miss Podsnap. 'No? With your youth and attractions? Truly, my dear, you surprise me! 'I can't say, observed Miss Podsnap, after hesitating considerably, and stealing several timid looks at Mrs Lammle's carefully arranged face, 'how I might have liked it if I had been a you won't mention it, WILL you? 'My dear! Never!
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