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"Anybody can see he is a swindler by his slouched hat, and beard. Shouldn't I enjoy having a good case against him!" Pigworth, J. P., landlord of the United States Hotel, and Mr. Boolpin, proprietor, came forward with their little bills, and demanded immediate payment. This financial difficulty was arranged in one minute by the genius of Wesley Tiffles.
Thomas Pigworth, the landlord, was seated on the stoop of his hostelry, discoursing of national politics to a small group of his fellow citizens, who were performing acrobatic feats with chairs in a circle about him. Pigworth was a justice of the peace, and was always dressed in his best clothes, so as to perform his judicial functions at a moments notice, with dignity and ease.
The panorama was worth twice the debts, to be cut into window shades. After some grumbling, Messrs. Pigworth and Boolpin accepted the terms. Five minutes later, the polite detective and his party started for New York. There was a great number of people at the station to see them off, but only one to say "good-by." That one was the man-boy Stoop, who cried as if his great, simple heart would break.
Pigworth remarked: "Podhammer and Gineral Chetley slept in that air one. Colonel Hockensacker and Judge Waterfield in t'other. There was four other mattresses put down here that night, each of 'em with two of our most distinguished citizens on it. That convention was worth to me a good hundred dollars."
Pigworth left his group of auditors, came forward, and received them with the affability of a retired statesman. "The landlord?" asked Tiffles. "I keep the hotel," said Pigworth, with a smile which intimated that he kept it for amusement rather than profit. "Room and board for three of us?" asked Tiffles. "Certainly," said Pigworth, with the air of a man who was doing them a favor.
"I will hand you a complimentary ticket for yourself and family," said he. "Oh, no! by no means!" replied the landlord. "I wouldn't think of taking it." Mr. Pigworth then ushered his guests into the large, uncomfortable apartment known as the "best room" in all country hotels.
As for Tiffles and Patching, having shared the same couch several nights during the incubation of the panorama, the problem of how to distribute three men among two beds gave them no concern. Pigworth then retired. Marcus Wilkeson's first act was to open the windows, and mix some fresh air with the damp and mouldy atmosphere of the apartment.
Podhammer didn't understand a word of the Constitution, he had the audacity to lecture on it; when he remembered that it was no uncommon thing for lecturers to talk of what they don't understand himself of Africa, for instance. "Be good enough to show us the room," said he. Pigworth turned majestically, and spoke like an oracle: "I do not indorse your sentiments.
"A single word more," said this young man. "Do you, or do you not, subscribe to my views on the Homestead Law?" Pigworth looked at the three comers as if to say, "Mark how I crush him now." Then, pointing his long right arm at the rash youth, he replied, slowly, but with fearful distinctness: "I do not subscribe to your views. Sooner would I lose this right arm than subscribe to them.
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