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Could I have given her too rude a shock, leaving her assailed with doubts and wanting to learn her lesson afresh from the schoolmaster? Still, a thorough shaking-up is essential. One must begin by realizing that things supposed to be unshakeable can be shaken. "I am glad I had this talk with you," I said to Nikhil, "for I was on the point of lending this book to Queen Bee to read."
There are many men who seem to have been born only with an obsession to die. Possibly there is a beauty, like that of a sunset, in this lingering death in life which seems to fascinate them. Nikhil lives this kind of life, if life it may be called. Years ago, I had a great argument with him on this point. "It is true," he said, "that you cannot get anything except by force.
If I must court ruin, let me do it smilingly; For my quest is the death-draught of immortality. */ "The truth is, Nikhil, that we have all lost our hearts. None can hold us any longer within the bounds of the easily possible, in our forward rush to the hopelessly impossible. /* "Those who would draw us back, They know not the fearful joy of recklessness.
Nikhil sent for the man and questioned him. "It was not my fault," Nanku repeated sullenly. "I had my orders." "Who gave you the order?" "The Bara Rani Mother." We were all silent for a while. After the man had left, Bee said: "Nanku must go!" Nikhil remained silent. I could see that his sense of justice would not allow this. There was no end to his qualms.
Chandranath Babu rose, and looking towards Bee, said: "Let me go now, my little mother, I have some work to attend to." As he left, I showed Nikhil the book in my hand. "I was telling Queen Bee about this book," I said. Ninety-nine per cent of people have to be deluded with lies, but it is easier to delude this perpetual pupil of the schoolmaster with the truth. He is best cheated openly.
At the height of our enthusiasm, Sandip laid it down that all foreign articles, together with the demon of foreign influence, must be driven out of our territory. "Of course!" said I, girding myself up for a fight. "I have had words with Nikhil about it," said Sandip. "He tells me, he does not mind speechifying, but he will not have coercion."
Nations which have got on in the world have done so by action, not by ebullition. Those who have always lain in dread of work, when with a start they awake to their sorry plight, they look to short-cuts and scamping for their deliverance." I was girding up my loins to deliver a crushing reply, when Nikhil came back.
"What harm?" said Nikhil. "If I could read the book, why not Bimala too? All I want to say is, that in Europe people look at everything from the viewpoint of science. But man is neither mere physiology, nor biology, nor psychology, nor even sociology. For God's sake don't forget that. Man is infinitely more than the natural science of himself.
I could see at once that she had been unsuccessful with Nikhil. She had been so proudly confident that she would have her own way but I had never shared her confidence. Woman knows man well enough where he is weak, but she is quite unable to fathom him where he is strong. The fact is that man is as much a mystery to woman as woman is to man.
At first I gave no thought to his point of view, but of late it has begun to shame and hurt me. Therefore I have been trying to talk and argue with him in the same enthusiastic way as of old, but it does not ring true. It is even leading me at times into such a length of unnaturalness as to pretend to agree with him. But such hypocrisy is not in my nature, nor in that of Nikhil either.
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