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Hev a mat at yer door and keep yer own feet clean, and hev Hezekiah and Matilda and Susan Maria put theirn there, tu. That's the way fur tu du. Some say, a little wine won't hurt a pussen; some say, lager beer won't hurt a pussen; some say, cider won't hurt nobody: but I say, the infarnel stuff which makes men drunk, no matter what name it goes by, is the stuff fur to let alone.
Fur my part I don't blame God Almighty fur pitchin folks inter the infarnel regions when they won't du nothin fur tu keep things right in this ere world, and some actually hender others from doing anything.
But I don't see why on airth, if they ken git timber fur them air half way consarns, they can't git it fur a hull door. If they can't, they hed better graft, some law agin liquor sellin branches inter that air constitutional tree, and hev them air infarnel roads to the infarnel regions blocked up entirely.
"Laws! young man, she'd as soon drink a rattle snake; she's down on brandy; she's down on the hull of that infarnel stuff. Spirits of every kind is her abhorrence. The Doctor was highly amused at his friend's predicament, and, giving him a sly wink, remarked, "Beer will do as well, Ned, and it is perfectly harmless, you know."
It's the infarnel stuff, that makes holes in yer wallets and holes in yer breeches, and holes in yer winders, and holes in yer wife's heart, and kivers yer children all over with holes; and last of all opens a big hole in the ground fur ye tu slide through inter the infarnel regions.
Little Wolf uttered an exclamation of pain and fainted. Edward turned pale. "Daddy," he shouted, throw down that bottle in the corner of the sleigh." "What is it you want fur to give her," said Daddy, doubtfully. "It's wine; throw it down here quickly." "She won't tech the infarnel stuff." "She has fainted, you simpleton; give me the wine."
Tinknor is a very respectable young man; he told me he'd never drunk a drop of liquor in his hull life, except once when he had the colic, and it ain't likely he'll ever tech the infarnel stuff agin, for he ain't subject to colic, and if he should be tackled with it, I've told him how to doctor with hot plates and yarb tea.
'Tween you and me, that cussed, infarnel liquor drinkin is at the bottom of a awful heap of trouble. If I could make the laws, the hull infarnel stuff would be handled like pison and pistols, ruther keerful." "Wycoff is pretty well off, I guess he can be made to pay pretty heavy damages," said the farmer. "'Tween you an' me, that ere is poor consolation.
Seems zif the more big men ken circulate the devil's pisen, the better they like it, and that air in my opinion is one reason why we can't get laws tu shet down the making and selling of the infarnel stuff. Why, keep that air kind of men in office, and figuratively speakin, the fust we know, a pair of the president's breeches will be stuffed inter a broken winder of that air White House.
"He ain't a goin fur to git none of that infarnel stuff down the honey," said Daddy to himself, as the sleigh with Edward, Little Wolf, and Fanny disappeared down the other side of the hill.
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