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'Oh, no, mum, you don't rightly understand me, the landlady replied, getting very red, and muddling up her aspirates more decidedly than ever, as people with her failing always do when they want to be specially deliberate and emphatic: 'not Halice, but 'Alliss; haitch, hay, hell, hell, hi, double hess 'Alliss: my full name's Martha 'Alliss, mum; my 'usband's John 'Alliss.
His captor released him with a final shake, and he brought a forearm to his streaming eyes. "You'll wear 'em all day to-morrow!" again thundered the judge as the culprit sobbed a stumbling way into obscurity. "You'self go to haitch!" the unrelenting complainant called after him. The judge effected a rumbling withdrawal. The night was again calm.
This has seldom been excelled. Among th' minor casualties resultin' fr'm this painful but delightful soiree was th' followin': Erastus Haitch Muggins, kilt be jumpin' fr'm th' roof; Blank Cassidy, hide an' pelt salesman fr'm Chicago, burrid undher victims; Captain Epaminondas Lucius Quintus Cassius Marcellus Xerxes Cyrus Bangs of Hoganpolis, Hamilcar Township, Butseen County, died iv hear-rt disease whin his scoor was tied.
In' behalf iv th' comity iv th' Society f'r th' Supprission iv Poly-gamy, I request ye to discard Nora an' Eileen an' Mary Ann an' Sue an' Bimbi an' th' r-rest iv th' bunch, an' cleave on'y to Lucille. I judge be her looks that she's th' first Missus Haitch. "No, sir. If he did he'd reach th' ship that runs between our outlying wards without a hair to his head.
You're honely in the hinfancy of the istoryonic hart you know; your performers never haspirate the haitch in sich vords for instance as hink and hoats, and leave out the w in wice wanity you know; and make nothink of homittin the k in somethink." There is much more in the same style, but, perhaps, this may suffice.
'D'ye think ye're votin' f'r th' best? says I. 'Why, man alive, I says, 'Charter Haitch was assassinated three years ago, I says. 'Was he? says Dugan. 'Ah, well, he's lived that down be this time. He was a good man, he says. "Ye see, that's what thim rayform lads wint up again.
'Look at th' Willum Haitch Vanderbilts, says he, 'an' th' Gools an' th' Astors, says he, 'an' thin look at us, he says, 'groun' down, he says, 'till we cries f'r bread on th' sthreet, he says; 'an' they give us a stone, he says. 'Dooley, he says, 'fetch in a tub iv beer, an' lave th' collar off, he says. "Doolan 'd wake up with a start, an' applaud at that.
A haitch o' eggs if I can come by naething else." "There is something else you would prefer to a hatch of eggs?" "I wad prefer," said Mrs. Inchbare, modestly, "a cock and twa pullets." "Open the case on the table behind you," said Lady Lundie, "and you will find some writing paper inside. Give me a sheet of it and the pencil out of the tray." Eagerly watched by Mrs.
Dooley, "but he was in here Choosday. 'Did ye vote? says I. 'I did, says he. 'Which wan iv th' distinguished bunko steerers got ye'er invalu'ble suffrage? says I. 'I didn't have none with me, says he, 'but I voted f'r Charter Haitch, says he. 'I've been with him in six ilictions, says he, 'an' he's a good man, he says.
The crew must have been below at breakfast, for the decks were deserted except for one man. He wore a blue shirt, and he leaned over the rail, smoking a day pipe. As we passed he spelled out the name on the stern of our boat. He did this in such a loud voice that it was clear he wished us to hear him. "Haitch o double p e r HOPPER g-r-a double s-GRASS. HOPPER- -GRASS!"
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