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His love seemed too deep for any outburst of passion, or else he feared to alarm me; and yet he seemed so sure. I wish I wish oh, I don't know what I wish; I ought not to be bound to any one; but I suppose I love John. Jan. 2. If women are not meant to study, Prof. Darmstetter should be pleased with me. Instead of working up my laboratory notebooks, I have sat until midnight, dreaming.
And t'e physiologist helps Nature. "See now," continued Prof. Darmstetter. "I haf a vonderful discofery made. I must experiment vit' it experimentum in corpore vili! Impossible, for the subject is mankind. I must haf a voman a voman like you, healt'y, strong, young all t'e conditions most favourable. She must haf intelligence t'at is you.
But perfection, you vill tell me, is far to seek," he went on, without waiting for a reply. "Yet people haf learned t'at many diseases are crimes. By-and-by, we may teach t'em t'at bat organism is t'e vorst of crimes; beautiful organism t'e first duty. V'at do you say?" The fur-capped girl pushed back her chair. "Prof. Darmstetter," she said, "will you be good enough to look at my sections?"
A minute later Clesta ushered in the man who was to take the trunks, and when I had given him his directions, I asked: "Shall we go, Nelly?" "If ye ain't reconciled to movin' " Mr. Winship began. But Helen answered neither of us. Her eyes were bent upon the floor, and a look, not now of resentment, but of was it fear? had slowly crept upon her face. Her hands were clenched. Darmstetter!
Why does she not kill herself? Why didn't she die before I saw her? I shall dream of her for months of her and Darmstetter, old and wrinkled as I shall be some day, and dead with that same awful look in my fixed eyes! Ah, what a Nelly I have come to be! Is it possible that I once rode frisky colts bareback and had no nerves! I mustn't have nerves! They make one old. Mr. Blumenthal said so.
"Why, how did you find your way out here?" she asked with girlish directness. "I'm not quite ready to go; I must finish my sections for Prof. Darmstetter." The Professor I had guessed his identity joined us, glancing at me inquisitively. His spare figure seemed restless as a squirrel's, but around the pupils of his eyes appeared the faint, white rim of age.
"Now you'll catch it!" the last one said, as she carefully put her hat straight with both hands and ran out of the room. When I returned to the laboratory Prof. Darmstetter motioned me to a chair and took one opposite, from which he fixed his keen eyes upon my face. Again he seemed weighing, judging, considering me with uncanny, impersonal scrutiny.
Darmstetter is so irritating! Why, he has just as much need of me! He himself said I was the best subject he could find for the experiment. But even if he had finished his work with the Bacillus, he'd rather teach me, a despised woman, all the science I could master than develop the budding talent of the brightest Columbia boy. The sight of my beauty is a joy to him. Really, I pity the poor man.
Darmstetter himself probably did not know, that he was liable to such an attack.
I know I cried half the night at the way he greeted me. We were all watching you and you got off easy. Brought an apron? I can lend you one, if you didn't. It's pretty mussy here." "Thank you," I said, "but really I can't get my mind off Prof. Darmstetter, all in a minute so. What sort of a man is he?"
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