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"Father hed a farm in Tennessee, and ez I was the only boy, I had a heap of work ter do on the cussid place. I didn't like fannin' much, and used ter tease the old folks ter let me go down ter Knoxville and go into a store, or enter inter some other ekelly 'spectable bizness. But the old folks allowed that I must stay with 'em till I was twenty-one, any how.
'Ask the pawters at Gloster, why your goods is spiled it's not the fust time they've been asked the question. Git the gage haltered aginst the nex time you send for MEDSAN and meanwild buy some at the "Plow" they keep it very good and strong there, I'll be bound. Has for us, WE'RE a going back to the cussid station at Gloster, in such of our blessid child.
Oncet when Hiram wanted to dreen the home pasture, he went to the cyclopeedy to find out about it, but all he diskivered wuz: "Drain See Tile." This wuz in 1859, and the cyclopeedy had only got down to G. The cow wuz sick with lung fever one spell, and Leander laid her dyin' to that cussid cyclopeedy, 'cause when he went to readin' 'bout cows it told him to "See Zoology."
Aug. 29. they was a big thunder shower last nite. we all got up in the nite and went into mothers room. mother sat on the fether bed and all them that was scart cood set there. i wasent scart. father said it would be jest the cussid luck to have it rane the nite of the rally.
The most aggervatin' feature uv it all wuz that a new one uv them cussid cyclopeedies wuz allus sure to show up at the wrong time, when Leander wuz hard up or had jest been afflicted some way or other.
"Why," he says, "I got it from the fust bin on the left-hand side." "Why, you cussid ode idiot," I says, "you've browt 'em mushroom ketchup!" It was on May 25, 1865, that I enlisted in her Majesty's Fourth Royal Irish Dragoon Guards. I was just past my eighteenth birthday, and, for reasons not worth specifying nowadays, the world had come to an end.
After descending from the tree, I found Jerry in anything but an amiable mood, at "the idee of an old hunter like he was, bein' treed by a lot of hogs;" and, as usual, he declared that "them cussid boys" was to blame, "for boys hadn't no bizness on the plains, no how."
It'd suit me right up to the han'le if this feller could bring a rain, for I tell you I never saw so much sufferin' and misery as these settlers are goin' through out here on this cussid pe-rairie right now. Some of these folks is haulin' water from the river as much as thirty mile!" "I notice all the creeks and branches are dry.
Now, my dear Barnet, for a man who begins so humbly with what my friend Father Prout calls an argamantum ad misericorjam, who ignowledges that his play is bad, that his pore dear helth is bad, and those cussid critix have played the juice with him I say, for a man who beginns in such a humbill toan, it's rather RICH to see how you end.
He worked with unusual speed this morning, and ended by milking all the cows himself as a sort of savage penance for his misdeeds the previous evening, muttering in self-defence: "Seems 's if ever' cussid thing piles on to me at once. That corn, the road-tax, and hayin' comin' on, and now she gits her back up "
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