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Read Hamlet's speech to Polonius, Tom, and if you don't find all the marks of premature old age creeping on you, then am I, Conshy, a Dutchman, that's all."
For some time I listened in great amazement, but there was something so infectious in his fun, that presently I began to laugh too, which only increased his cachinnation, so there were Conshy and I roaring, and shouting, with the tears running down our cheeks. "Kit listen to me! Oh, Lord" "You are swearing, Conshy," said I, rubbing my hands at having caught him tripping.
"But," persists Conshy "I have other hairs in your neck, Master Tommy you are growing a bit of a buffoon on us, and sorry am I to say it, sometimes not altogether, as a man with a rank imagination may construe you, a very decent one. "But, my dear Conshy"
"Now, Mary, where are the children?" I am resolute. "Jack, I can't drink out of sorts, my boy so mind yourself, you and Peter. Now, Conshy," says I, "where are you now, my boy?" But just at this instant, jack strikes out, with "Cringle, order me a tumbler something hot I don't care what it is."
Now Conshy always lectures you in the watches of the night; I generally think his advice is good at breakfast time, and during the forenoon, egad, I think it excellent and most reasonable, and I determine to stick by it and if Conshy and I dine alone, I do adhere to his maxims most rigidly; but if any of my old allies should topple in to dinner, Conshy, who is a solitary mechanic, bolts instanter.
Cheese after the manner of the ancients Hook again "Only one glass of port, Conshy." He shakes his head, and at length the cloth is drawn, and a confounded old steward of mine, who is now installed as butler, brings in the crystal decanters, sparkling to the wax lights poor as I am, I consider mutton fat still damnable and every thing as it should be, down to a finger glass.
For Conscience will speak to you then, not as I do now, in friendly confidence, and impelled by a sincere regard for you, you right hearted, but thoughtless, slapdash vagabond." There must have been a great deal of absurd perplexity in my visage, as I sat receiving my rebuke, for I noticed Conshy smile, which gave me courage.
Conshy has been nudging me for this half hour to hold my tongue regarding Aaron Bang's sea sickness. "It is absolutely indecent," quoth he. "Can't help it, Conshy; no more than the extra tumbler; those who are delicate need not read it; those who are indelicate won't be the worse of it."
An instance "I say, Tom, my boy Tom Cringle why the deuce now" he won't say "the Devil" for the world "Why the deuce, Tom, don't you confine yourself to a pint of wine at dinner, eh?" quoth Conshy. "Why will you not give up your toddy after it? You are ruining your interior, Thomas, my fine fellow the gout is on the look out for you, your legs are spindling, and your paunch is increasing.
Still I remember him for a time we sit down the dinner is good. "I say, Jack, a glass of wine, Peter what shall we have?" and until the pint a piece is discussed, all is right between Conshy and I. But then comes some grouse.
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