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"You can't fool Purt in a hundred years," Short and Long reiterated, quite hotly. "Can," returned Reddy, briefly, with his mouth full. "Got a half dollar, Purt?" "What if I have?" demanded the dude, suspiciously. "You put it under that mug on the table, and I bet I can take the money without touching the mug." "You cawn't trick me," drawled Port. "You couldn't do that, you know, Reddy."
"It makes it doubly worth while, to win out and have you all so glad!" he said. "So you've taken him into the firm, eh?" Duncan inquired of Bartlett. The blue eyes widened stonily. "The governor has. I'm not in the business, y'know. Never had the slightest turn for it, what?" Willy set aside his glass. "I say, I must be moving. No, I cawn't stop, Kellogg, really.
On the march, when the men begin to weaken, an officer is sure to trot up and say: "Corporal Holmes, just carry this man's rifle," or "Corporal Collins, take that man's pack. He's jolly well done." Seemingly the corporal never is supposed to be jolly well done. If one complained, his officer would look at him with astounded reproach and say: "Why, Corporal. We cawn't have this, you know!
And Bettie had been such a dear horse all the time, her single foot and run both so swift and easy. Kelly says, "Yer cawn't feel yerse'f on her, mum."
At last they made themselves such a nuisance that the attention of the vigilance committee was called to their particular case. In short order they were hauled up and ordered to leave camp. There was no alternative but to obey, and thus began the dreary trek homeward of the two broken and miserable outcasts. "We cawn't go on much longer like this," moaned Hickey.
I've been deucedly down on my luck ever since then, and I cawn't tell you, really I cawn't, how I happened to be here and in this business as you found me. There's many a younger son, in the Army or the Navy, who knocks about and gets a bit to the bad. I hope you'll not lay it up against me, I do indeed!" His head dropped forward on his chest.
He was in very good humor with our whole continent, and at Longfellow's table he found the champagne even surprisingly fine. "But," he said to his host, who now told the story, "it cawn't be genuine, you know!" Many years afterwards this author revisited our shores, and I dined with him at Longfellow's, where he was anxious to constitute himself a guest during his sojourn in our neighborhood.
The great tea-pot was still in my hand. I limped to the galley and handed it to him. But he was consumed with indignation, real or feigned. "Gawd blime me if you ayn't a slob. Wot 're you good for anyw'y, I'd like to know? Eh? Wot 're you good for any'wy? Cawn't even carry a bit of tea aft without losin' it. Now I'll 'ave to boil some more.
"With an artificial foot and they make excellent ones you will be stumping ships' galleys to the end of time," I assured him jovially. But his answer was serious, nay, solemn. "I don't know about wot you s'y, Mr. Van W'yden, but I do know I'll never rest 'appy till I see that 'ell-'ound bloody well dead. 'E cawn't live as long as me.
"W'en it comes to legs," Ben would say, "this 'ere's the machine fer me. It never gits rheumatism in the joints, nor corns on the toes, an' yeh cawn't freeze it with forty below." As Ben grew in fame so he grew in dignity and in solemn and serious appreciation of himself, and of his position in the hospital.
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