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Her face lit up with sudden interest as she saw me: 'Oo! she cried with spirit, 'er you the genelmun has orduder bawth? Again I pleaded guilty, and with a broad, reassuring smile, as of one who should say: 'Bless you, we've had visitors just as mad as you before this, and never attempted to lasso or otherwise constrain them.
She promised to arrange the matter shortly, and send some accredited representative to warn me when the psychological moment arrived. Where could I be found? 'Oh, I'll go and undress at once, I said. 'No, don't do that, sir; I cawn't get a bawth all in a minute, she told me. 'Perhaps you'd like to wite in the smokin'-room.
'The very thing, I said; conversation in such a place, and in such circumstances, proving quite impossible for me. By an odd chance I recalled my first experiences upon arrival at this same mean and dolorous station, more than twenty years previously. 'We will go to the house in which the "genelmun orduder bawth," I said, and led Heron across into the Blue Boar.
From the second step the night clerk looked down at her as though she were a specimen that ought to be pinned on the corks at once, and he said loudly, "No, ma'am. Neither of 'em. Got no rooms vacant with bawth, or bath either! Not but what we got 'em in the house. This is an up-to-date place. But one of 'm's took, and the other has kind of been out of order, the last three-four months."
It looks like some new brand of soft drink we'll be having after July first. Greek or Bulgarian. Anyhow, he didn't awsk for a bawth. Looks as if he needed one, too. Here, boy!" "Ye-ah!" "Take a peek at this John Hancock." "Gee! That must be the guy who makes that drugstore drink Boolzac." The clerk swung out, but missed the boy's head by a hair. The boy stood off, grinning. "Well, you ast me!"
'It's death or bubbles, said he to me. I pointed out to him that it was either death or no bawth. He was much shocked. Evidently the thing could not go on, for our soap was already very near exhausted. Sir Harry was a sad dog. Said he to me, 'While there is soap there is life, meaning to say, you see, that while there was life there was hope. Ha, ha!" "Leave that out," admonished Curly. "Go on."
"Do you mean to tell me," she demanded, "that that hussy was brazen enough to march right in here before you got up?" "Yes," I said. "I am only thankful that I HADN'T got up." "Well! I must say! Did she fetch the water in a garden waterin'-pot, same as she did to me?" "Just the same." "And did she pour it into that that flat dishpan on the floor and tell you your 'bawth' was ready?" "She did."
Coming from a country where, even in the poorest workman's house, the bathroom at all events is always in commission, I was greatly struck by this incident; more especially when, an hour later, I heard the chambermaid cry out over the banisters: 'Mibel! The genelmun as orduder bawth sez 'e'll 'ave a chop wiv 'is tea!
I serpose you ain't seed the genelmun as orduder bawth anywhere abart, 'ave yer? Fearful lest further delay should lead to the bricking up of the bathroom, or to a crier being sent round the town for 'the genelmun, etc., I hastened out almost into the arms of the retainer, and forcibly checked him, as he began on an interrogative note to cheep out: 'You the genelmun as orduder
I cherish the thought that I have become something of a tradition at the Blue Boar, where I have reason to think I am probably remembered to-day by a now aged Boots and others many, many others as 'The genelmun as orduder bawth. On rising after my first insomnious night there, I went prowling all about the house in search of the bathroom.
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