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I keep a pig this year. I don't think of anything more, Mr Ed'ter. If you should giv my portrait in connection with my Bogfry, please have me ingraved in a languishin attitood, learnin on a marble pillar, leavin my back hair as it is now. Trooly yours. Artemus Ward. Things in our town is workin. The canal boat "Lucy Ann" called in here the other day and reported all quiet on the Wabash.
This yere attitood of my grandsire, an' him camped in the swarmin' midst of a Henry Clay country, is frootful of adventures an' calls for plenty nerve. But the old Spartan goes through. "'Often as a child, that old gent has done took me on his knee an' told me how he meets up first with Gen'ral Jackson.
It's in the Red Light the very evenin' when Texas subdoos that bronco, an' lets the whey outen Jack Moore to the extent of said jug of Valley Tan, that Colonel Sterett goes off at a round road-gait on this yere very topic of pol'tics, an' winds up by tellin' us of his attitood, personal, doorin' the civil war, an' the debt he owes some Gen'ral named Wheeler for savin' of his life.
"From the start," continued Leander, "the two Mrs. Daxes just hankered to get at each other; an’ while I, as a slave to the fair sex"—here he bowed to the fat lady and to Miss Carmichael—"hesitates to use such langwidge in their presence, the attitood of them two female wimmin shorely reminds me of a couple of unfriendly dawgs just hankerin’ to chaw each other.
But you see she does it becomin’, and that’s where the grudge comes in. You can’t stir about these foot-hills without coming across a woman, like as not, holdin’ on to a posse of kids, and ridin’ clothes-pin fashion in a looped-up skirt; when she sees you comin’ she’ll p’r’aps upset a kid or two assoomin’ a decorous attitood.
Advice to Charles Sumner. Left-Handers to Wendell Phillips. Oho! ye gods and little fishes, Beggars 'd ride, if hosses was wishes; Wimmen would have a millenium day, And all through the land the "deuce be to pay." The Masserchewsetts Woman's Suffering Society pulled off their cote and vest and struck a beligerent attitood, at Bosting, a few days since. Yes, sir!
See what a calamity was a threatenin us. Why, I declare to you all, thar was a time when I expected to see our aged friend Solomon no more in the flesh. You could not tell it by my manner, for I presarved a calm an collected dumeanour; but yet, I tell you, underneath all that icy calm an startlin good-natur of my attitood, I concealed a heart that bet with dark despair.
Shrig, "speakin' without prejudice, I answer you, it's a-goin' to be, or I'm a frog-eatin' Frenchman, vich God forbid, sir. An' speakin' o' murder, here's my attitood towards same there's murder as is murder an' there's murder as is justifiable 'omicide.
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