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Artemus, with the true cosmopolitan instinct, always deferred to the customs of the country he was in, and so he ordered three of those abominations. Hingston was present. I said I would rather not drink a whisky cocktail. I said it would go right to my head, and confuse me so that I would be in a helpless tangle in ten minutes. I did not want to act like a lunatic before strangers.
One of whom I am which, as Artemus Ward was wont to observe. Possibly the missive is for me." He took the paper. It was dated from an address on the East Side. "Dear Smith," it ran. "Come here as quick as you can, and bring some money. Explain when I see you." It was signed "W. W." So Billy Windsor had fulfilled his promise. He had escaped.
There are five million such faces in America, but if you have an impulse to despair for your country, remember that it produced Mark Twain and Artemus Ward, as well as Pastor Russell and the Moody and Sankey hymn-book.
England was thoroughly aroused to the merits of Artemus Ward, before he commenced his lectures at Egyptian Hall, and when, in November, he finally appeared, immense crowds were compelled to turn away. At every lecture his fame increased, and when sickness brought his brilliant success to an end, a nation mourned his retirement.
Lincoln's opportunity had arrived. Again, a unique event occurred in a Cabinet meeting. On the twenty-second of September, with the cannon of Antietam still ringing in their imagination, the Ministers were asked by the President whether they had seen the new volume just published by Artemus Ward.
Ward remained through the holidays, and later wrote back an affectionate letter to Mark Twain. "I shall always remember Virginia as a bright spot in my existence," he said, "as all others must, or rather, cannot be, as it were." With Artemus Ward's encouragement, Mark Twain now began sending work eastward.
To Artemus Ward the wild character of the scenery, the strange manners of the red-shirted citizens, and the odd developments of the life met with in that uncouth mountain-town were all replete with interest. We stayed there about a week.
'But what beats me about the stars, he observed plaintively, 'is how we come to know their names. This question, or rather the somewhat similar question, 'How did the constellations come by their very peculiar names? has puzzled Professor Pritchard and other astronomers more serious than Artemus Ward.
At that period Pepper's Ghost chanced to be the great novelty of New York City, and Artemus Ward was casting about for a novel title to his old lecture. Whether he or Mr. De Walden selected that of "Artemus Ward's Struggle with a Ghost" I do not know; but I think that it was Mr. De Walden's choice. The title was seasonable, and the lecture successful.
Before Christmas, Artemus received invitations from distinguished people, nobility and gentry as well as men of letters, to spend the week-end with them. But he declined them all. He needed his vacation, he said, for rest. He had neither the strength nor the spirit for the season. Yet was he delighted with the English people and with English life.
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