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Ar-re there anny two people in th' wurruld that ar-re perfectly mated? he says. 'Was there iver a frindship that was annything more thin a kind iv suspension bridge between quarrels? he says. 'In ivry branch iv life, says he, 'we leap fr'm scrap to scrap, he says. 'I'm wan iv th' best-timpered men in th' wurruld, am I not? 'Man is nachrally a fightin' an quarrelin' animal with his wife.
There were four editions iv thirty copies each an' I don't know how manny paper-covered copies at fifty cents were printed f'r circulation on th' mail coaches. I'm not sure if it iver was dhramatized; if it wasn't, there's a chanst f'r some manager. "The darin' rescue iv Areopatigica be Oliver Cromwell but I won't tell ye. Ye must read it. There ar-re some awful comical things in it.
Th' people iv America shud know that they ar-re at th' brink iv war.
We had to give up our simple little game iv patience an' cut into th' other deal. An' now, be Hivens, we have no peace iv mind. Wan hand we have wan partner; another hand he's again us. This minyit th' Jap an' me ar-re playin' together an' I'm tellin' him what a fine lead that was; th' next an' he's again me an' askin' me kindly not to look at his hand.
'Whin ye get among th' Chinee, he says, 'raymimber that ye ar-re the van guard iv Christyanity, he says, 'an' stick ye'er baynet through ivry hated infidel ye see, he says. 'Lave thim undherstand what our westhren civilization means, he says, 'an' prod thim good an' hard, he says. 'Open their heads with ye'er good German swords to Eu-ropyan culture an' refinement, he says.
Ye hear iv Teddy Rosenfelt plungin' into ambus-cades an' Sicrity iv Wars; but d'ye hear iv Martin Dooley, th' man behind th' guns, four thousan' miles behind thim, an' willin' to be further? They ar-re no bokays f'r me. I'm what Hogan calls wan iv th' mute, ingloryous heroes iv th' war; an' not so dam mute, ayther.
'Afther all, he says, 'an' undher all, we're mere brutes; an' it on'y takes two lads more brutal than th' rest f'r to expose th' sthreak in th' best iv us. Foorce rules th' wurruld, an' th' churches is empty whin th' blood begins to flow. he says. 'It's too bad, too bad. he says. 'Tell me, was Corbett much hurted? he says." "Ar-re ye goin' to cillybrate th' queen's jubilee?" asked Mr. Dooley.
He's too good a man." "He is all iv that," said Mr. Dooley. "But ye bet he knows th' rale platform f'r him is: 'Look at th' bad breaks Mack's made, an' Mack's platform is: 'Ye'd get worse if ye had Billy Bryan. An' it depinds on whether most iv th' voters ar-re tired out or on'y a little tired who's ilicted. All excipt you, Hinnissy. Ye'll vote f'r Bryan?" "I will," said Mr. Hennessy.
Th' man that has a machine that'll tur-rn out three hundhred thousan' toothpicks ivry minyit'll sind over his inthrestin' device, they'll be mountains iv infant food an' canned prunes, an' pickle casters, an' pants, an' boots, an' shoes an' paintin's. They'll be all th' wondhers iv modhern science. Ye can see how shirts ar-re made, an' what gives life to th' sody fountain.
I like th' looks iv the job an' nobody seems to care f'r it, an' I've got so blame tired since I left th' ship that if I don't have somethin' to do I'll go crazy, he says. 'I wisht ye'd make a note iv it an' give it to th' other papers, he says. 'Ar-re ye a raypublican or a dimmycrat"? says the rayporter. 'What's that? says Cousin George.
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