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"So Congress passed a bill abolishin' th' canteen. An' it's all right now. If a sojer wants to desthroy himself he has to walk a block. Some iv me enterprisin' colleagues in th' business have opened places convenient to th' fort where th' sons iv Mars, instead iv th' corroding beer, can get annything fr'm sulphuric acid to knock-out dhrops.
He was a gr-reat man down there, an' now he's wan iv th' vethranaryans iv th' war. Ye heerd iv typhoid an' yellow fever in th' threnches; but did ye hear annything iv spavin or th' foot-an'-mouth disease? Not wanst. Dock was on jooty late an' early.
Th' next day ye get what's comin' to ye in th' right place an' bein' a sthrong, hearty man that cudden't be kilt be annything less thin a safe fallin' on ye fr'm a twenty-story building ye know ye ar-re goin' to die. Th' good woman advises a mustard plasther but ye scorn th' suggestion. What good wud a mustard plasther be again this fatal epidemic that is ragin' inside iv ye?
I ain't seen annything that happened since Parnell's day that's aroused so much enthusyasm on th' Ar-rchey Road as th' Greek war. 'How goes th' war? says I to young Hogan, 'How goes the war between th' ac-cursed infidel an' th' dog iv a Christian? I says. 'It goes bad, he says.
A thrain that is goin' to anny iv th' penal colonies where most men spind their vacations will stop at more places thin a boy on an errand. Whiniver it sees a human habitation it will pause an' exchange a few wurruds iv pleasant greetin'. It will stop at annything. It wud stop at nawthin'. "In this way ye get a good idee iv th' jography iv ye'er native land.
"Ye can't tell annything about it. Give th' poor man a chance, says I. There may be th' makins iv a dacint citizen in him afther all. What opporchunity has he had, tell me? What can ye expict fr'm a man that niver was taught annything betther thin that he cud do annything he wanted to do without bein' called down f'r it?
Is it like a human bein' she is, the dear ould wumman there? Isn't she just some gay ould bird from the forests of the Equaytor, wherivir it is? Look at the beautiful little white curls hanging down her cheek, tied with ribbon-pink ribbon too an' the bonnet on her head! Did ye iver see annything like it outside a zoolyogical gardin?
"Maybe if I'd been as aisy pleased as most an' this is not sayin' annything again you an' ye'ers, Hinnisy, f'r ye got much th' best iv it I might be th' father iv happy childher an' have money in th' bank awaitin' th' day whin th' intherest on th' morgedge fell due.
"Now, my dears," said she, when the meal was over, "take yourselves off while I clane up and do my shoppin', but fer pity's sake, don't lave the front garden, fer if annything was to happen to ye " Angel cut her short with "None of that Mary Ellen! This is our day too, and we shall do what we jolly well please!"
"It shows th' fortitude iv th' Gin'ral an' that he was as gr-reat a liar as I have indicated in th' precedin' pages, that with th' cheers iv his sojers ringin' in his ears, he cud still write home to his wife: 'Ol' girl I can't find annything fit to dhrink down here.
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